Accident
by NiGhT-sTaLkEr13
Summary: After a mine collapse, Megatron loses his memory and suffers amnesia, forgetting his relationship with Shockwave and only remembering pre-Earth war. Profanity, gore, sexual references, psychological issues.
1. Chapter 1

Accident.

Summary: After a mine collapse, Megatron loses his memory and suffers amnesia, forgetting his relationship with Shockwave and only remembering pre-Earth war.

Chapters: 1-7

Written: 2013

**Characters: Megatron, Shockwave, Karmashock, Cole (G1)  
Post-war.  
Warning: Contains profanity, surgical gore, adult themes. **

The door burst open, causing Shockwave to look up from his desk. His antennae perked as his name was called from his secretary who was usually composed outside the door. "Shockwave, you have to come quickly!" she breathed.  
The mech stood from his seat. He knew something was clearly wrong. Her voice was never this anxious, nor was she forceful, or would she ever just stroll into his office without permission. This was clearly something very important.  
"What is it?" he asked, following her. He stopped as he saw almost every worker in the complex looking up at the large holoscreen that was in the middle of the roof. From him being on the second level floor, his hands held the railing, watching as the smoke on the screen engulfed the picture.  
Instantly, he was taken back to war, the grit against his armour, and even inside it, scratching against his body. The smell of sulphur, acid, gunpowder, napalm. All of it came back. But it wasn't war, it was one of the mines.

"It's Sector 4K, Shockwave…" said the femme beside her boss.

"What!?" the violet mech gasped, his antennae pricking back as he watched the news. Oh, Primus, no… Sector 4K was the sector Megatron worked in on an off-world mine for picking energon and other recourses. It had collapsed. He could see the death toll down below; it was nearing six thousand now.  
His hand grasped his chest, his fingers going tight at the thought of his mate being trapped down there, or worse, dead… "I… I have to get there!"

"No! You can't! It's too dangerous," protested the femme, grabbing his arm and tugging him back.

"That sector is Megatron's sector, Timeflip, I _need_ to get there! What if he's hurt!? What if he's trapped!? What if he is just a number on that screen!?" he snapped, exasperated as he pointed to the holoscreen.

Timeflip's optics lowered, shaking her helm. She would not believe Shockwave's mate was dead. No. She wouldn't. She knew who he was and what he had done in the past. She refused to believe a mining accident would be the death of him.  
"Shockwave, they won't even let you in. They have to clear it. They have to get the survivors out. There's protocol! You know this! I know you do…"

"So I am supposed to just wait here, hoping to receive a call from someone!?" Of course Shockwave knew there was protocol, but he couldn't just sit here, not knowing what was going on. But he also knew that no one was going to inform him of the happening. He knew how rescue teams worked, and the police. He knew that even they didn't know what was happening. It was just up to the rescue teams to save as many lives as possible…  
Turning, he walked back into his office, grabbing the mobile phone that was on the desk. He called Megatron, getting no answer. It was saying the phone was 'out of service', which could mean a number of things. Megatron had his phone on him and was trapped down in the mine. He forgot it when he escaped. It was turned off. Or it was sitting in his locker.  
He didn't give up. He continued calling and calling, hoping that soon his mate would answer. He left the office as soon as he could, the supervisor telling them that anyone who had family and friends working in the mines could be let go for the rest of the day, so that they could get in contact and know what was happening.

*****  
"Ahh! You fuck!" Megatron hissed, kicking his leg as the nasty piece of rock was lodged into the side of his hip. His hands tightened as his back arched. Around him was havoc. He didn't know what had happened and what had caused the explosion, and had made the mining sight collapse, he just knew the mountain of rock that was coming towards him and his co-workers. He didn't know how many escaped or how many had died. Or were just injured like him. Hell, he didn't even know if he was going to make it out alive, but as long as he was on the hospital berth, being thrown into an ambulance, he knew he had a better chance at survival.  
Why choose him? He didn't know. There were many others around him who were just as injured, and even had injuries much worse than his. He'd seem splattered bodies from heavy rocks, he'd seen torn off limbs, and blood spraying from them. He'd seen dead bodies being put in bags, and he'd seen trapped workers screaming to be rescued. Why choose him?  
Breathing heavily, he looked down at the large piece of mineral inside his side. The medic beside him in the back of the transport just gave him something to bite on. He didn't refuse. He took the stick and sank his fangs into it as far as they could go without breaking it.

"You'll be in the E.R as soon as possible, sir. We need to get this out of you before it causes infection or strikes a vital organ or wire."

"Just… get it out!" the former warlord groaned through the cylinder inside his mouth, his neck going back as he made a pained noise. The back of the transport system bumped up and down, which made him cry out in pain every single time. He could feel the rock inside him going deeper, and he wanted to grab the ambulance officer by the throat and make him order the driver to slow the fuck down!  
When the driver came to a halt, he was already stripped of armour from the medic inside the back with him—besides his bottom armour. The back doors opened, and as he was rolled out, he saw how many other miners were arriving, screaming and bleeding. Medic after medic was holding each and every one, taking them inside or trying to treat them outside if their injuries weren't as bad.  
The halls were filled with portable berths like the one he was on. There were groans and whimpers coming from every direction. He could see many already had bandages on them. Many weren't as severely hurt as he thought they were, but then again, how many were in body bags down at the morgue?  
His spark was thumping in his audios, overpowering the screams that were echoing down the hallways. He could hear pede steps everywhere, 'bots running around mad to help their patients, to make sure they were okay. And he could hear the horror in their voices, the horror on the television screens that were on the walls every now and again.  
Going over a bump, he winced, venting a pained moan, his blood-stained hands going tight around the shard that was inside him. He couldn't pull it out, and he wouldn't _dare_ pull it out. He wasn't that stupid. He knew very well that there was a reason he was in the E.R rather than anywhere else. This thing had to be taken out carefully.  
His berth came to a halt, and his jaw tightened, spitting out the cylinder the medic had given him in the ambulance. "Ahh… Primus, get this piece of shit out of me!" he ordered, looking at the now dark, sticky rock that was covered in his oil. He'd had mining incidents before, and he'd had battle wounds. But this? Nothing this fucking tender and painful! Right in the right side of his lower abdomen, above his hip bone. He would rather a clean bullet any day!

"Okay, sir, we're going to transfer you to the berth here, okay?" said one of the other doctors inside the room.

Grabbing the mech's arm, Megatron brought him down to his level. "You call this number!" he said. "You tell him where I am! Tell him I'm in the hospital! I'm not dead… yet," he breathed, giving another harsh groan as he felt the medics around him scanning how big the anomaly was inside him.

"Sir, Megatron," the medic noted, catching the mech's ID card from his armour, "that will have to wait. We need to put you under so we can remove the piece of rock from your abdomen."

"No! You do it now! Now listen to me! Don't miss any number-ah, fuck! What are you doing down there!?" Megatron snapped, eyeing the medics that were tending to his wound. He still held onto the medic by the collar of his armour, breathing heavily. That's when he saw a familiar mech walk past in the blur of what was medic after medic. Coat after coat.  
"Cole!" he yelled, the medic's emerald optics immediately swinging his way. He tried to push himself up, but was forced down by the medics inside the room. He could see how much oil was around his body now, how much was on their hands and on his own frame. Oh, Primus, it was disturbing, but he couldn't think of it right now.

"Megatron! You're okay! Oh, Primus," said the checkered Dauphin as he ran into the room. He overlooked the situation, knowing very well that Megatron was losing a lot of oil. "Come on, guys, get this thing out of him!" he almost ordered, leaning down as he felt the tight grip go onto his arm. Blood smeared across it, but he just listened, not taking note of the gore upon him.

"Tell Shockwave I'm here," Megatron barely wheezed, his other hand clutching the now oil stained sheet below him. "Tell him… tell him I'm okay! He can't be left thinking I'm still in those mines! Y-you have his number… if not, Karmashock does!" His head was thrown back as he felt a mask go against his face, pushing it away with his hand. "No! I won't go under until I know Shockwave knows!"  
Once more, his spare hand clutched the wounded area as the medics scoped it out. "Gnnn!" His frame was shaking, and he could feel his hands were slipping, the medics having to hold his spare hand away from the wound so he wouldn't touch it again.

Cole placed his hand up, as if to say it's fine to the other medics in the room who were trying to prep the older 'bot. "It's alright, Megatron, I will tell him. Right now, you really need to calm your breathing, you are losing a lot of oil," he noted, looking down to the jagged mineral piece. "These medics here are going to take care of you. They are going to put you under so they can remove it. You have to let them."

Swallowing hard, Megatron could feel the sweat that was covering his body. He didn't have much of a choice. He let his hand loose from Cole's arm, and the medic gently nodded, taking out his phone. He didn't see how the call went, or if it was even made. The mask was put over his face too quickly, and slowly the pain and horror dwindled away.

*****  
The space-bridge to Sector 4K had been locked off, and only had restricted clearance—one that Shockwave could not pass, even if he was the creator of the technology. He gave up his right when he decided to obey the law of Cybertron. Only police and ambulance officers were allowed inside to aid the fallen.  
What choice did Shockwave have? He called anyone and everyone he knew. No one could tell him anything on the whereabouts of Megatron. No medics he knew, no workers he knew, Layce didn't know (she had made it out unharmed completely) and no police officers he knew. Karmashock had even contacted everyone he knew, but no one could tell them anything.  
Sitting in his and Megatron's apartment, he looked at the mug that was offered to him from the lithe Suzuki motorbike. He couldn't even _think_ about energon right now. It just reminded him of where it came from. The mines.  
"Just put it over there," he motioned to the coffee table. It didn't move, though.

"Mate, you gotta keep your energy up. All this stress and worry has got to be killing you. Have some energon, it's not going to ki-," he stopped, frowning a little. "Just take it," he ordered, pushing the mug into the shaken hands.

Hesitantly, Shockwave took the mug, but he didn't drink from it, he merely stared into the pearly magenta drink, seeing his own reflection inside it, staring back at him. "Karmashock… have you heard nothing from Cole?"

The therapist took a seat on the arm of the lounge, his own mug in his hands. "With the injury count, I doubt I _will_ hear from him. Kaon Hospital's gunna be packed, Shockwave. I doubt I'll hear from him until all of this is over…"

The former commander's antennae drooped back lightly. "I cannot lose him, Karmashock," he murmured, his hands around the mug. He had already lost a sparkling. He couldn't lose the mech he had waited an eternity for.

Looking up, Karmashock's brows arched a little. He jumped, though, as he felt a light buzz come from his armour pocket. He pulled it from his hip. "It's Cole," he said, standing up. Shockwave did the same, and he answered. "Cole, are you okay over there? I've been watching it all over the news."

_"I don't have time to talk, Karma. It's insane down here. I just wanted to let you know that I'm still here. I need to call Shockwave_," came the voice from the other end.

"He's right here with me, mate. What's wrong? What do you know? Do you have any news on if Megatron made it out?" This time, Shockwave really perked up, moving closer. He leant the phone down. "I'm putting you on loudspeaker."

_"Megatron's here in Kaon Hospital. He's had a pretty bad injury, and he's lost a lot of oil. He's undergoing surgery as we speak."_

"Is he alright! W-will he make it!?" Shockwave asked, his voice desperate now.

_"I'm no surgeon, Shockwave, the rock that entered him was… pretty bad. I think you two should just come down here as soon as possible, okay? I need to go! I'll see you later!" _

The phone line went dead, and Shockwave's spark gripped tight within his chest. Why couldn't Cole tell them more? He knew he had a job to do, but… he needed to know if Megatron was going to be okay!

"C'mon, let's go," Karmashock gently said, hanging up his phone and putting it back inside the hip pocket in his armour. They both headed to Kaon Hospital.

*****  
There was no point in taking the car; Shockwave knew that the hospital parking lot would be packed. Instead, the both of them took the tram, which arrived just across the street from Kaon Hospital. Karmashock could have driven here if he wanted to, but he had a feeling the mech was trying to be his emotional support, and didn't want to leave him alone a time like this.  
When the tram came to a stop, the both of them jogged across the street. Outside there were multiple berths, which only meant that the hospital was overcrowded with injured 'bots. Not just from the mines, but just from regular 'bots with every day injuries as well.  
At the front desk, it was havoc, and Shockwave could see the rows of berths down the corridors. Doctors were everywhere, and so were the injured. Most of them had bumps and bruises, with bandages covering them. Others were just shaken up and in shock or had a concussion. They'd need to stay here before they could be released—and who knew how long that would be.

"I'm looking for a doctor Cole," said Karmashock to the nurse behind the desk. "He's usually in Intensive Care, but I think he's making his way around the newly injured."

"Just a moment, sir, I'll page him for you." The mech took his pager and contacted Cole before looking back up. "He should be here shortly. If you like, you can just stand over there." There wasn't any room to sit anymore, all of the chairs were taken up by the miners who were being transported here every minute or so.

Moving to the side, both Karmashock and Shockwave waited. Personally, for Shockwave, this wasn't anything new for him to see. Being in war, he had seen many injuries and fallen comrades on the battlefield. And even when he was no longer needed on the field, he still saw lines of them awaiting treatment after a battle in the hospital wing and out in the corridors. Gore was nothing to him. Still, he worried what might be happening to his mate. He was just trying to not panic too much. Megatron had sustained worse injuries; he was sure of it—even though he didn't quite know what had happened.

Jogging down the hallway, Cole saw the two that were waiting for him. "Hey, guys, come this way," he said, not giving any time of them to talk. They could talk later, right now, Megatron was just coming out of surgery.  
Reaching the corridor, he led them down to one of the closed doors. But he stopped them from going inside. "He's just come out of surgery, so he won't be able to see you just yet. They've just transferred him here, by my accord, okay? So don't do anything rash," he said calmly, as if talking to any other patient's family. "I'll be right out. I'm just going to see his vitals."

"When can we go in? Will you tell us how he is?" Shockwave urged, his antennae back in worry.

"You can see him after I've checked up on him. I have to be quick… Megatron isn't my only patient today," said the medic, nudging to all the other 'bots inside the hospital. They'd all be working late tonight.

As Cole closed the door behind him, Shockwave watched through the window. Megatron had a bandage around his lower abdomen, his armour hanging up on the rack. He hated seeing his mate like this. Injured and confined to a hospital berth. He mentally frowned, placing his hand to the window, as if to touch the mech inside the still room.

"He'll be alright, Shockwave," said Karmashock, his optics watching both Cole and Megatron. "Cole's a good doctor. He's gunna do all he can to let you see him, 'kay?" Shockwave just watched on, though.

Stepping up to the monitors, Cole checked them all, writing down on the chart before hanging it back over the end of Megatron's berth. The vitals were strong, which surprised him. Megatron was thick on the outside, and definitely full of cybernetic muscle, but that didn't mean anything was the same on the inside.  
He leant down, pulling the sheet back so he could see the whole dressing. That's when he felt a hand go tight on his wrist, making his optics look to the weak vermillion ones. Honestly, he was surprised Megatron had awoken so quickly after surgery. Then again, from what he knew from Karmashock, the mech was very resilient. Or was it just a fear of being in stasis? After his coma, he'd probably bet it was natural for him to wake up as quickly as possible. Not to mention having to be a light sleeper when a warlord.

"Are you always my doctor…?" Megatron said, though a small smile creasing his dry lips.

Cole gave a light-hearted laugh. "I'm surprised you're awake. Are you always this pushy?"

"Nn… only when I know others are going to be poking and prodding me," the former Decepticon groaned, leaning his head back for a moment. He swallowed hard before looking back down to the bandage. "How big was it…?"

"Massive. In fact, I kept it in a jar for you, just so you can go back and show off how strong you are." He watched as a harsh cough-like laugh came from the wounded mech. He gently pushed him back down and told him to lay back. "I'm going to check the wound, okay? So this might hurt a little."

Megatron did as he was told, laying back. His hands went tight as he felt the bandage being lifted. "Uhh… how bad is it?" he asked, his fangs baring as he felt Cole press into it a little. "Augh… fuck…!"

Laying the dressing back down, Cole stood back up. "It's bad, and very deep, but with the right antibiotics, it shouldn't get infected. It did cut some of your wiring, which has been mended, replaced and stitched, but you will be confined to this berth for at least a cyber-week. Certainly no heavy lifting or harsh movements."

"I guess fucking is out of the question," Megatron groaned. He was just trying to lighten the mood, though. He was in pain, and he knew that he had to be monitored on painkillers because of his past drug addictions—which was probably why he wasn't doped up right now.

Cole gave a polite and gentle laugh. "No, sorry about that. But there is some good news," he said, pointing out the window. "You're allowed to have visitors."

Megatron looked up, seeing both his mate and Karmashock outside the window. "You called…" he said, looking to the emerald optics. Cole had come through for him.

"Of course I did," Cole answered. "Now, come on, I'll lift your berth up so you can see them." He walked around to the side of the berth and lifted the top half up so Megatron was in a more comfortable position. He then opened the door, allowing the two other mechs to enter.

"Oh, Megatron," Shockwave whispered, immediately moving to the side of the berth and embracing his mate.

"Augh… Shockwave, fucking watch it," whispered the wounded mech, Shockwave immediately pulling back.

Both ivory antennae went back apologetically. "Forgive me," he whispered, resting his hand gently against Megatron's toned abdomen. "I was so worried… I thought you could be trapped down there, or… even worse…"

"You honestly think a few boulders are going to bring me down? Please, don't make me laugh," Megatron smirked, though it was a weak one. He picked up Shockwave's hand into his own, bringing it towards himself. "How many… How many have died?"

Shockwave's antennae went further back. "The last I saw, it was nearing six thousand. The… entire mining platform is gone, Megatron. The colony. Everything. It's a miracle anyone survived." He leant down to nuzzle against his mate, more than happy that he was alive and doing well after surgery.

"I don't know what happened… I just remember the mines collapsing," Megatron swallowed, images of the gore and death flickering behind his optics. His hands tightened around Shockwave's own, clutching it to his bare chest. The medics had clearly cleaned him of the remaining oil that had been all over him.

"Shh, it's alright," the former commander murmured, running his free hand down the side of Megatron's helm. "They haven't determined what the cause was yet. They said it could have been a reactor of some sort. I'm not entirely positive," he said, his voice gentle.

"How many of my soldiers died?"

Shockwave stiffened a little, his optic looking to Karmashock for a moment. "M-Megatron, I… do not know," he answered. "I only know that Layce made it out unscathed." He tried to think of a name that was familiar to today, and not the past when Megatron was his Lord.

Letting go of Shockwave's hand, Megatron lifted his hand to the side of his helm. "Nn… my processer is killing me," he mumbled.

Moving forward, Cole took out a small instrument. "Can you just look at me for a moment?" he said, guiding Megatron's optics in his direction. He flashed the small light towards the optics. "He's got a concussion," he said, looking to Shockwave. "He'll need to rest as much as possible. We'll give him a few more tests, and then we'll get back to you. For now… I think it would be best if he was left to go to stasis."

"How long will it be until I can come back? Or know the results?" Shockwave asked, his hands still on Megatron's.

"Shockwave, it's alright," came the weak, husky voice. "I'll be fine," he said, giving a soft smile. He took Shockwave's hands once more, lifting them and kissing the knuckles. "I will see you later."

Both ivory antennae went back as Shockwave watched his mate. He had a concussion, how could he exactly relax? He'd just come out of surgery! How injured was he? He didn't even know the extent of the wound! Cole wasn't telling him anything! Then again, doctors never did when they weren't sure about how serious the condition was. It only made him fret more.

"Come on," said Cole, opening the door. Shockwave was hesitant, but he kissed Megatron goodbye and soon past him on his way out. Karmashock stopped, though. "I will be fine, and I will update the both of you as soon as I can on his condition. For now, the stress of a visitor and the confusion will be too much." Yes, he had caught onto the 'soldier' comment. "The last thing he needs right now is a psychiatrist getting him confused."

"Alright, I trust your judgement," the Australian accented mech said. "Shockwave, you should call his father, I'm sure if he's seen the news, he'll be worried." The violet mech nodded. He turned back around. "I'll see you when you can make it to my apartment, okay?"

"Definitely," answered the Dauphin, lifting his hand to take Karmashock's cheek and tenderly kissing him.

"Please, you're making me sick," Megatron groused, rolling his optics and giving a pained groan from having moved too much.

Cole cleared his throat, nodding to the two outside the door. He then closed it, returning to his patient. Having pulled up Megatron's previous records, he knew what surgery he had undergone with Ratchet on his processor back when Megatron had come in from a coma. It could mean a number of things. For now, he wasn't going to get the other two worried about it. He would run the tests, get the diagnostics, and then analyse the situation. Then he would start talking. He would never lie about a patient's status. And right now, Megatron's concussion could mean a number of negative things. Or it could mean nothing it all. Only time would tell.


	2. Chapter 2

Accident Part II

He didn't know how long it had been, or where he really was, so when Megatron's optics flickered online, the last thing he was expecting was to see a coated medic inside his room. He growled, knowing he was injured. Fuck, and it hurt, too. He could feel it throbbing down his right side. That didn't mean he should be confined to a berth, though. He had things to do. Progress to be made! So he tried to push himself up, though gave a seething groan as a surging pain shot all down his side, mainly in his hip and abdomen. "Nn…"

Turning at the noise, Cole looked to his patient, frowning as he was trying to get up. Kaon Hospital was still packed, but at least most of the mine was shut off and cleared out. With Cybertronian technology, it got things done much cleaner and faster. There were still _many_ injured, and many more had died at the mine and in the hospital, but at least the death toll had stopped counting now.  
It was early morning. He'd put Megatron into an induces stasis because he knew the mech didn't sleep well. He needed all the rest he could get, and he wasn't going to get any better by stressing that he couldn't fall into stasis because of insomnia.  
"Hey, how are you feeling today?" he said nonchalantly, Megatron's optics looking at him like it was a stupid question. He shrugged it off. Every patient had their own way of dealing with the fact they were injured and in hospital. Did he really think Megaton would wake up with all sunshine and daisies? No.

"Like shit," Megatron hissed, pulling off the sheet to look at the bandage around his abdomen. "Let me guess, you're going to tell me I'm berthridden for a few solar-cycles?" he asked sarcastically. "What's the quickest time you can have me out of… here," he said, looking around. His optics narrowed a little as he looked to the medic in front of him. He was in Kaon Hospital, he knew that much. Which meant enemies could be crawling everywhere. "Where is your insignia?"

Cole stopped, his hands on the pad. He slowly put it back on the end of the berth. "Uh… Megatron, can you tell me what stellar-cycle it is?" he asked, frowning when the mech just looked at him rather impatiently.

"What the hell has that got to do with my wounds?" the silver mech scoffed. "Now, be a good medic and get me the hell out of here, I have more important things to be tending to than lying in a berth." He went to push himself up, but his fangs clenched tight as the pain coursed through him once more. No! He wouldn't be weak! He'd stand up! He'd get out of here! He couldn't stay like this, let alone be seen like this.  
As the medic tried to grab him, he pushed him off. "Don't touch me!" he hissed, finding his pedes. He looked at the ID tag that was on the coat of the medic. "So, Doctor Cole… are you going to let me get armoured up?" he asked, standing there butt naked, besides his cod-piece being on.

The Dauphin couldn't hold Megatron here, but he wasn't about to sign any release forms, either. "Megatron, it's very ill advised for you to leave while you're wounds are so fresh," he said, trying to think of careful words. Megatron wasn't exactly the nicest of mechs, but he wouldn't just toss him off when he tried to help. He'd been his doctor before, and he knew that. The concussion must have made him suffer amnesia. But how far back, exactly? Should he be worried that he didn't have an 'insignia?'

"Pff, you neutrals, always such a pain in the aft," Megatron mumbled, holding a hand to his wounded side. "Just give me some pills and I'll be on my way. Who knows how many filthy Autobot's are crawling around this place, ready to strike me while I'm down," he sneered with a disgusted tone, though clear paranoia.

Cole felt his spark sink a little. "Shockwave will be here shortly," he said, knowing the familiar name would at least calm him down. No, they hadn't been lovers during war, but that didn't matter. Shockwave had been a faithful soldier and a trusty commander. Cole wasn't ignorant, he knew Megatron and Shockwave before he had them waltz on over to the hospital he worked in. He wasn't a soldier; he was just a neutral medic. He had helped aid both Decepticon and Autobot's who had fallen during the start of the war. He knew very well what Shockwave's roll was, as well as many other high commanders in Megatron's army. The only reason he was alive today was because of his parent's wealth. It has saved all their lives.

Looking up, Megatron still held onto his wounded side. "Am I supposed to just sit here and wait?"

By now, Cole was beginning to run out of patience. He had a hospital full of others to tend to, and Megatron's attitude wasn't sitting with him well right now. He barely slept, and he was trying to take care of him the best he could. He also wasn't a fan of the Decepticon act. Not that it was an act to Megatron. Quite clearly, he truly thought he was back at war. Of course he was concerned about it, but he couldn't _deal_ with just Megatron today. He had many others to help, too.  
"Yes, that is exactly what you are going to do. Like the good mech you are," he said quite bluntly. "Take a seat back in your berth before you harm yourself even more. This planet needs a strong mech like you, Megatron. To see you fall because you couldn't be patient won't set a good example," he said, folding his arms. "Now, sit back down and I will get Shockwave for you."

Megatron's jaw went tight, but he was no fool. He took the order, but not because he was any kind of snivelling dog. He took it because he knew it was the right thing to do. The medic was right. He could not cause further harm to himself. What the hell had happened, anyway?

When Cole saw Megatron sit back down on the berth from outside, he turned down the hallway, taking his phone out of his pocket. Once he was in a quiet area, he dialled Karmashock's number. "I think you should bring Shockwave here. There might be more damage than I first realised," he said into the speaker.  
Karmashock's voice was soft, but he knew it was worried. He agreed that he would bring Shockwave in, and then the two of them hung up. Cole had his duties to do as a doctor, and that means tending to many other patients who needed his help. So that's exactly what he did.

*****  
"He what?" Shockwave asked, his antennae going down. No, it couldn't be. But… yesterday Megatron had recognised they were lovers. He had kissed him. He had spoken to him with that tone of knowing that they were together. That they were bonded. How could he simply just forget something like that? Concussion or not… How could one forget love?

Karmashock leant back against the table in the small office. "Do you know what he does remember?" he asked. Megatron surely knew of his past, and it would be fresh in his mind with the new amnesia. That meant if he went in and saw him and knew he was a psychiatrist… well, there was no telling what would happen, but he knew it would be a highly negative reaction. Megatron barely accepted his help when he came to Earth.

"He just think it's still war outside," Cole stated. "I don't know much more. I'm going to have to question him. I thought that a trustworthy face would be good, though. Like comas, sometimes personal items can help the amnesia go away. Until then, there's no telling how long it will last."

Shockwave mentally frowned, his spark thumping hard in his chest. "What about our bond?" he asked. "Will he feel it when I enter the room? Will he know that I am more than just… a commander?" He couldn't go back to that! He couldn't go back to Megatron seeing him as nothing but a soldier. He _loved_ Megatron, and it had taken all the courage in the world to tell him that, and now… it could all be gone. So easily!? They had made love! They had lost a sparkling together! They were not just soldiers, and he sure as hell wasn't just a commander to Megatron. He was his life, just as much as Megatron was his.

The medic shook his head. "As long as Megatron's mind believes it is the certain time period he is in, he will not think you are bonded. However," he continued, Shockwave's optic on his own, "if you two are alone, he might feel a slight connection. It might not be much, but bonds are different for everyone. In his mindset, he's likely to refuse anything he feels is unnatural."

"Am I to be honest with him?"

"I'd like for you to lay it to him gently," Cole insisted.

Karmashock put his hand up, standing up from the desk, "Wait a sec there, mate, if you tell Megatron, he might lose it," he said. "Look, I know we can't hide this from him, but with his conditions, there's no telling who can be in danger here. How long could it take for his memory to come back? If he thinks he and Shockwave are bonded, well… it could cause some serious problems to his processor. Megatron's unstable as it is, laying something like that on him, even gently, isn't gunna go down well with him. He thinks he's at war here!"

"And what do you suppose I do?" Shockwave commanded. "Sit there and lie to my bond-mate!?" The thought of having to lie was something that made Shockwave's programming cringe. Not just to anyone, though, but to Megatron. His once commander, his lover, his Master. He couldn't just sit there and lie to his face about their relationship! They were bonded for fuck's sake!

Cole looked to the blue-teal mech, mentally asking for any kind of suggestion. Karmashock was the therapist here; he was just Megatron's doctor. He knew nothing about how dark and deep Megatron's mind and issues went; he merely healed his visible wounds.  
"Won't he get even more angry if he knows you're a therapist?" he questioned, arching a black brow. "I don't know Megatron well on a mental level, but I sure knew of him when war was here. You weren't here, Karmashock, but I was. I saw what he was capable of. Just him, as a lone mech, without reinforcements. He could kill all three of us if he wanted to. Well, maybe not you, Shockwave-,"

"Megatron is stronger than I," Shockwave admitted. "Karmashock, I cannot lie to him. I can be there for him, but I cannot lie. He has to gain his memory back. I am the only one that may be able to do this."

"I can't have anyone going in there alone with him," said the therapist, trying to think. He couldn't strap Megatron down, because that would make him feel like a prisoner, but being kept here also made him feel that way. Megatron thought there were fires outside, his wrath and control taking over. But outside was nothing but a rebuilt city. Families were out there! He couldn't risk Megatron going on a killing spree. He couldn't risk the former Decepticon even getting out of here. Maybe being strapped down was the only thing that could keep him here? But he didn't _want_ to do that. Not to Megatron. It would bring back to much trauma.  
"Alright, Shockwave, you can go in there. But I can't leave you alone. Both Cole and I will be there. Coming from you, he will trust when you say I am there just to make sure he's safe."

Shockwave almost laughed. "Karmashock, even from me, he will not believe you are a Decepticon soldier." He looked him up and down for a moment. True, there were soldiers who were small and thin during their reign, but Karmashock didn't have the personality to suit.

"You're another doctor," Cole stated, emerald optics going to the slate ones. "Use that to your advantage. You might not be a soldier, but you aren't lying when you say you're a doctor. You still are. You're just a mental one. Now, we can't leave him in there for too long alone. He's free to go whenever he wants, so we best head back."

But they didn't have a plan! Shockwave's antennae perked a little. They were just going to wing this? That was a bad idea. Then again, Megatron wasn't predictable anyway, so if they had a plan it could easily just fall to ruins. But at least a plan was a plan. He knew his. He would tell Megatron the truth if he asked him. He would not lie. He _could not_ lie. He would do his best to dodge most of the truth, but when he couldn't take it anymore, he would cave. He knew he would.

The three of them walked down the corridor, and once reaching the door to Megatron's room, Cole eyed the other two. They nodded, and he stepped inside, Shockwave behind him, Karmashock tailing behind the former commander.  
In the berth, Megatron was laying half beneath the sheet. He'd clearly removed his bandage and had tried putting it back on with crude failure. As a doctor, Cole's first instincts were to put it back. "You are not to touch that," he fussed, moving over to the larger mech. Megatron snatched his wrist and twisted it, making him wince.

"Do not touch me without permission," Megatron sneered, looking to the emerald optics. Just like his father's. At the sight of Shockwave, he dropped the doctor, Cole tending to the bruised wrist.

"My Liege, please let them tend to your wounds," Shockwave said, his voice almost shaken. He hid it well, though. If it were up to him, he would have spoken to Megatron this way for the rest of his life. It was only because Megatron didn't like it that he had stopped. But he was his 'leader' again at this present time, and he would address him as so.

"Where are my other soldiers? Where is Starscream?" asked the Decepticon leader, though this time allowing Cole to dress the wound correctly. He didn't apologise for hurting him, though. The medic should know his place. If anything, he merely asked for Starscream because who _knew_ what he was doing while he was stuck in hospital!? He was probably claiming he was the leader right now. It boiled his blood, and it showed on the monitor.  
"Nn, watch it!" he hissed, Cole patching him up. His hands finally left him, and he looked away, turning back to Shockwave. "Well?"

Starscream? How could he lie about his death? The death of Starscream was not something that should be forgotten. He deserved it! After what he had put the both of them through!? His shoulder's went back, and he lifted his chin, walking over to the berth. He bowed gently. "Forgive me," he said, kneeling. "I cannot lie to you."

Karmashock mentally slapped his helm. "Doctor Cole, would you please escort Commander Shockwave out? I fear he's not in the right headspace to be here right now. His devotion to his lord is strong, but Lord Megatron needs his rest."

"And who the hell are you?" Megatron's voice turned sharp, his optics narrowing to the lithe mech. "You're not a soldier," he observed. "You're not a medic…"

Confidently, Karmashock nudged past the larger violet mech. "I am a doctor, actually," he said, taking the chart and reading it.

"Why do I need two doctors?" the silver mech questioned curiously. He folded his arms, glancing back to Shockwave. He trusted his Commander. He would not lie to him. Whoever this mech was, he was clearly an 'okay' mech if Shockwave hadn't have broken his neck the instant he walked on in here.

"I needed a second opinion," Cole pushed in, walking up beside his mechfriend. "Your wounds are quite severe, Megatron. You might have to have a few more tests run, including an MRI scan. We also need to make sure the piece of mineral that was lodged into your side is completely cleaned out." Megatron seemed to relax at that, but even so, Cole was very uncertain about all of this.

Glancing to Shockwave, Megatron rested back against the berth, placing his hands gently behind his helm. "You're being awfully quiet over there, Shockwave. You needn't add anything?"

Oh, Primus, Shockwave knew that tone. Megatron knew something fishy was going on. He was no fool. He knew something was off with the two medics before him. Him, personally, no, Shockwave was in the clear—he always had been. He'd never given Megatron a reason to not trust him; however, he certainly didn't trust the two medics in the room.  
"I am no medic, Lord Megatron," he stated, still standing up in the room. When Megatron was his master (at war), he would never slouch, or show any form of laziness. He was upright at attention, his antennae up, shoulders back and spine straight.

The vermillion optics held the golden one for a moment, the warlord trying to read his most trusted commander. "Funny, if you're the mech my doctor called in for a second opinion, why is he wearing the coat and you're not?"

Karmashock just stared at Megatron. Absolutely fascinating! He grinned lightly, leaning his hand up to stroke his goatee. Smart, indeed. He'd never seen Megatron's war personality—despite being inside his mind when Megatron was under a coma through the virtual therapy. This, though? This was real to Megatron. This was his mind set when he was the leader of the Decepticon, and Karmashock couldn't help but feel like a kid in a candy store. How he wanted to poke and prod, to get inside and see the reactions. However, Megatron's wellbeing came first, and he knew that.  
He knew something wasn't right, and Karmashock wouldn't even know where to begin with medical jargon like Cole knew. He was caught outright. He may as well just tell the truth. "You're quite the smart one, aren't you?" he said, receiving a confused look from Cole. "Alright, you got me, I'm not a medic. I'm a psychiatrist."

"And what are you doing in here? I don't need your kind inside my processor. You allowed this scum in here!?" he asked, snapping his optics to Shockwave. "I want him removed."

"Lord Megatron, I advise-,"

"I said _out_!" the mech ordered. "I don't need a therapist!" he hissed, pushing himself up. Cole stepped in his way of Karmashock, and he growled, fangs showing. "You think you can stand there and defend such garbage? Listen here, Doctor, mechs like him are nothing but swine! They make you trust them, and then they spit you out and rape you of all your dignity!"

Cole didn't know any better, and he didn't move. He felt Karmashock's hand go against his shoulder, but he stood his ground. "I advise you to get back in your berth, Mr. Megatron."

Taking the collar of the coat, Megatron brought the medic up to his optic level. "And I advise you to throw this worthless junk out of here before I break your pretty little neck," he sneered warningly, optics hard on the other ones. He breathed heavily as he looked into the lime optics. "Is that understood?"

Cole swallowed hard as he was placed back onto his pedes, tugging on his coat to fix it up. "Karmashock, please leave."

Karmashock watched intently, but he nodded, taking a look at Megatron before walking from the room. He didn't give any hint to knowing Shockwave, and just left the room. He didn't want any harm going to either Cole or himself.  
A moment passed as he stood outside the door, waiting. Eventually, Cole came out, but Shockwave stayed inside. "Are you alright?" he asked, approaching him and placing a hand onto his shoulder.

The Dauphin nodded. "Nothing I can't handle," he said, taking the hand into his own. "He asked if Shockwave could stay, or… ordered… I figured it might be good for his temper. I… never saw him when he was Decepticon leader. I just heard him and saw him on television. Never in the real, though."

"Yeah, neither, mate…" Karmashock murmured, lowering his hand. He looked through the window, seeing Shockwave still standing upright, Megatron in the berth once more. "I won't go back in there, but only because I don't want to cause any problems for you. He's still my patient, but in this state of mind, he's not going to want to accept any kind of mental help. He's too… egotistical and proud. Not to mention terrified of therapists."

Nodding, Cole understood completely, well, about not going inside. "Do you want me to notify Ratchet? Could this cause problems with his other personality? With the previous operation?" He was more wondering to himself rather than speaking to his partner. But it did make him curious, as well as worried.

"I don't think the personality would be back, but he might believe it's still there, thus act like it's still in control, because he doesn't know any better. But I think calling Ratchet will be a bad idea. You don't want Megatron seeing any former Autobot right now. He'd attack them instantly. Or at least get Shockwave to. However, maybe contacting another trusted former 'Con? They could post outside his door, make him feel more comfortable." At the same time, they needed to let Megatron figure out he wasn't a warlord anymore, and that the war was over. Hopefully it wouldn't get to a negative stage, or further than it already was.

"Do you know of any items that could help Megatron's memory come back? Maybe Shockwave does?"

"I'll ask him once he comes out," the motorbike stated. If he ever came out. He had a feeling Shockwave would be like a parrot on Megatron's shoulder. Never leaving his side.

Cole looked to the shorter mech, uncertain of what to do. He'd never been in a situation like this, not with someone as dangerous as Megatron, anyway. "What now?" he asked, looking through the window himself.

"I dunno, mate," admitted Karmashock. "I guess we wait and see what Shockwave can get out of him. And then I'll wait to hear from you."

"You're leaving?" Cole's optics swung back around. He knew he couldn't keep Karmashock here, and he didn't _want_ to, but when it came to psychiatry, Karmashock really knew what he was doing… He had the power to do many things due to Megatron being his patient. Hell, he could throw him in an institution if he said it would help the mech—not that Karmashock ever would. But still. He knew how to talk down a mech when they were fuming. He didn't. He'd only fuel the fire because he didn't have that mental connection to his patient. Not to mention he was quite blunt.

Karmashock's optics looked to the checkered mech. "You know my aft is owned by this hospital for now," he chuckled, seeing a small crease slither into Cole's lips. "I'll be here. I'm gunna go grab a bite, I don't wanna get in the way of the other patient, 'kay? Just call me if you need me."

"Will do," said Cole, smiling lightly. He took Karmashock's hand into his own before moving out of the way of the window. He then gave him a small goodbye peck. He had rounds to do, and he'd let Shockwave have some personal time with Megatron. He just hoped nothing too bad would happen. Shockwave was a smart mech; surely he wouldn't do anything stupid.

"My Liege, I apologise for my actions," the soft English voice said honestly. Once more, he knelt to the side of the berth, his antennae going back. He could not lie to Megatron like this. He could not let him go on believing that outside was a warzone. That any minute an enemy could spot him. He wouldn't lie knowing Megatron could go out there and ruin everything he had worked so hard on in a stupid and violent act. He would not let his mate do that.

Megatron turned his optics away, but he looked back when he felt something on him. His optics shot to the lilac hand that was touching his arm. He furrowed his brows. "What is the meaning of this?" he asked cautiously, watching his commander.

"Can you feel that?" Shockwave asked, his optic never once leaving Megatron's. "You can feel me, can't you? I can feel you, too Megatron. Please tell me why. Please tell me why we can feel one another when this close."

The warlord watched his commander, his optics looking down to the hand once more. He pulled back, frowning. "I don't know what's come over you, but I think you should leave."

Shockwave felt his spark tear, his antennae going back. "I will not let you forget!" he said, standing to his pedes. He grabbed Megatron's hand and thrust it against his beating spark. "You can feel it! I can see it in your optics! Do not lie to me!" His voice was desperate now. "You remember! You must!"

Megatron ripped his hand from the other mech, his fangs bared. "You have overstepped your boundaries, soldier!"

Soldier? No! No, he wasn't just a soldier! This couldn't happen! Shockwave lowered his hand, trying his best to stand up straight, as if to show he still had some sort of dignity.

"Get out."

Both antennae pricked upwards in surprise. "Megatron, ple-,"

"I said leave," ordered the warlord, his optics hard on the other.

"As you wish," Shockwave murmured, lowering his helm in both a bow and utter hurt. He removed himself from the room quietly, closing the door behind him. Outside, Shockwave placed his hand against the back of the door. He couldn't stand Megatron seeing him as a simple soldier once more. He had to tell Cole or Karmashock that they had to do something. Staying here would only mean stress on Megatron, and more agony for him. He turned and left to find the doctor.

Megatron shook his helm. What the hell was going on around here? His medic was a smart arse who acted like he knew who he was, a therapist comes in to see him when he doesn't need to see one, and now Shockwave was acting strange. He couldn't even remember why he was in here. Had shrapnel from a fire-fight hit him?  
Lifting his hand, he pressed it against his helm, wincing lightly. He looked to his arm to where Shockwave had touched him before turning it over to run a finger against the scars on his wrist. He had been right, though. He had felt something different when Shockwave had knelt down beside him. Something that he couldn't place. Shockwave was no incompetent mech. He knew what he was talking about. But what had he forgotten? What was he meant to be feeling?  
Looking across the room, he saw his armour stacked against the rack. Roughly, he tossed the sheet aside. He took a deep breath before groaning as he stood up, his hand gently holding his side. Fuck, it hurt! He pushed through it, though, walking over to grab his armour. As quickly as he could, he tossed it over him, clipping it down. Once it was on him, his side was protected, but it hurt like a bitch when it hit up against him.  
He made his way over to the door and opened it, seeing the number of patients in the hospital. It certainly looked like a warzone inside. He couldn't see anyone wearing any faction symbols, though, and so he walked into the crowd, heading outside.

**Author's Comment:**

Megatron's... well, Megatron. A dick, haha. He's not very nice. Especially when he thinks it's war outside.

I feel sorry for Shockwave here. The poor mech. He kinda spoiled everything, but lying to his master isn't something that is very easy for Shockwave. It's like betraying his God if he was something highly religious. But, yeah...


	3. Chapter 3

Part III

In the cafeteria, Shockwave spotted Karmashock sitting by himself, a tray in front of him to show he'd already eaten. He approached the therapist, taking a seat across from him. "I told Megatron," he said bluntly, causing Karmashock to sit up from his more relaxed position.

"What!?" His optics arched, a thousand different things rushing through his processor in how Megatron may have reacted. "How did he react?" It was better to just ask. As uneasy as he was, he knew he couldn't go back inside Megatron's room. Definitely not alone, anyway. Megatron could have very much killed Cole just because he had been there. He wasn't going to risk any of them getting hurt. Megatron was his patient, but he had to be smart about this if they all wanted some progress.

"He told me to leave," said the former commander, his shoulders lowering from their tensed position. "I did so as he commanded." Obviously. He would be returning, but right now, he would let Megatron have his own time. Maybe being alone would help him remember? Maybe he was thinking about what had happened between them. Hell, any kind of thinking was good right now. He had to remember. And if he didn't, then he didn't know what he was going to do with himself. They shared a house. They shared berths. They shared fucking _lives_ with one another. Megatron couldn't just forget all of that. He refused to believe that his memory wouldn't come back.

He left him there alone!? Was Shockwave insane!? "Is Cole in there with him?" he asked, standing up from his seat as quickly as possible. Shockwave seemed confused, giving him a blank look. "Megatron thinks it's war outside, mate! You can't just leave him there alone! Unattended! This is Megatron! You think he's just gunna sit there because the doctor told him so!?"

This time, Shockwave's antennae flickered. "I… I didn't even think," he murmured; though worry in his voice now. He'd been so caught up in the fact that Megatron remembered nothing about their bond that he didn't even think of Megatron leaving. Megatron wasn't stupid. He knew he was injured. Surely he wouldn't just up and leave. Yes… yes he would, and Shockwave knew it. He just hadn't been ready to accept that the old Megatron was back. He was so used to who Megatron was today that it had caused him to make a terrible error.  
"Call Cole," he said immediately, standing from his seat, too. As they moved down the corridors, he listened to Karmashock contact the medic, and he pushed the door open when he reached it. His antennae went back. He was gone.

"Cole… get here now. Megatron's gone."

*****  
Vermillion optics went wide at the sight before him. Megatron stepped outside the building, still holding his side that was beneath his armour. What the hell was going on here!? Where was the fire!? Where were the dead!? Where were the bullets that were supposed to be coming his way!?  
Megatron breathed heavily, leaning a hand against the pillar. Everyone that was walking around was… normal. He saw children. He saw couples. He saw the ambulance 'bots chatting away at the emergency entrance with cups of energon in their hands.  
Swallowing hard, he lifted his hand to his helm. Oh, Primus, what the hell time was it? Why wasn't anything making sense to him!? He stumbled a little, pushing his way through the small family that came his way. He heard them complain, and he seethed, still holding his side.

"Hey, watch it, buddy!" snapped the mech of the group—most likely the father.

Megatron simply ignored him, heading over to the ambulance mechs that were standing by the entrance to the emergency room. "You," he said, grabbing the officer by the cuff of his arm, "tell me what the hell is going on here. Why is no one fighting!? Why aren't you all wearing some kind of faction decal!? What the hell is the date?"

The ambulance officer put his other arm up, tugging free. "Looks like we've got a run away," he murmured to his partner. "Sir, calm down, we'll lead you back inside, okay?"

"No!" snapped the warlord, optics narrowing as the other went to take a hold of him. No, he wouldn't have anyone touching him! They were just fucking with his head, weren't they!? This was all some sort of trick from the enemy. Those blasted Autobots! He'd kill them all!  
"Sir, please," insisted the medic, but Megatron pushed him over, the mech hitting back against his friend. They both fell over one another and landed on the floor, their energon splattering onto the pavement.  
"Keep your filthy hands off me!" Megatron sneered, though wincing as he felt pain sting through his side. He'd moved too much and pulled at his side when he pushed the mech down. He could feel the bandage that was on him was tearing off, and worse, he could feel it dampening. In seconds, he could see his own oil dribbling out from the creases in his armour.  
"Nnn, fuck," he growled, stepping over the other two and continuing to walk. He had to get back to Decepticon headquarters. He had to get back to somewhere he knew his soldiers would be. They couldn't all be gone! What was this? Some kind of mind world the Autobot's had created? Had they captured him and put him here? Was this all some kind of sick joke!?

"Sir, get back here!" yelled the ambulance officer who was now picking up his friend. The both of them shared a worried glance, and they called in on their radios.

"Stop following me!" The two had caught up to him, and he spun around, grabbing the both of them by their collars. "Do you have _any_ idea who I am!?" he ordered, fangs bared, optics piercing. "You think you can follow me around and watch me? You've got another thing coming. Get the hell away from me before I splatter your skulls to the pavement!"

"Megatron!"

Turning his head, the warlord's optics halved at the sight of his doctor. "Don't think I don't know what's going on here, Doctor. I don't know what you've done to me, but I sure as hell know I am not staying here! Kaon is my home, but this is not the real Kaon! It's in my command! Not whatever you filthy Autobot's have done to it!"

Cole placed his hands up in surrender. "I am not an Autobot. I was a neutral in your war," he confessed. "I never saw you on the battlefield personally, nor did I ever tend to your wounds. But I did help you when you fell into a coma half a stellar-cycle ago."

Megatron's optics only narrowed further. What the hell was this moron on about!?

"I am not here to harm you. I'm just a medic. The only thing I will do is tend to you. Whether you were the Decepticon leader or not."

"You fool, I still _am_ the ruler of the Decepticons. And the ruler of Cybertron, too! What trickery is this?" Where they all _trying_ to make him feel insane!?

"No," said Cole, shaking his helm. "You were. You're not anymore, Megatron. That feeling you had when you were with Shockwave alone? That's not something you should ignore. You signed a treaty to stop the war. Cybertron is finally what you always wanted: a new world. And you did all of that."  
Stepping forward, he gave a soft sigh, seeing Karmashock and Shockwave behind him from the side of his vision. "You're a miner, Megatron. The mine collapsed, and you were hit. You were brought here, but you've suffered amnesia from the impact. You must have been hit on the head, and it gave you a concussion. The reason why Shockwave is here… is because he's your bond-mate…"

Megatron looked to his commander, unable to believe that this mech was saying they were bonded. Shockwave was a _mech_! He would never fall in love with a mech! He wasn't a fucking faggot! Not that he had anything against mechs liking mechs, but he wasn't into that!  
"You're lying. Why would I ever bond to my commander? Bonding is a weakness! It's a sign of nothing but compassion! A leader does not need compassion!" he snapped. He saw Shockwave's antennae lay back lightly, and it made him question what was really going on here. Why would the Autobot's choose Shockwave? Out of all of his soldiers, and the femme's he had actually slept with, why would they come out and say that he and Shockwave were together? It just didn't make any sense!

Shockwave felt his shoulders fall lightly. It was a harsh slice to his spark to hear something like that come from the mech he shared a berth with every night. He understood that with the amnesia that Megatron had no recollection, but that didn't make the blow any easier to take.  
For vorns and vorn he had loved Megatron. He had waited in his shadow just for the mech to take a second glance at him. In the end, he finally had. He didn't pretend to understand why Megatron had fallen in love with him, especially knowing that his interests in mechs was pretty much non-existent. But they were in love. He didn't need an answer. He just needed to feel and know his mate loved him like he loved Megatron. To hear Megatron say that he was not remotely interested in him, it hurt deeply. It hurt more than anything in the world. He'd rather a bullet—a psychical blow to his spark—than this.

"The amnesia is telling you that. You need to come back inside," Cole pushed. He looked to Shockwave. He was the only one that could at least persuade him to go back inside. "You're bleeding," he noticed, his optics looking down the side. By now, Megatron's blood had travelled down his hip and was running down the outside of his thigh.

At the sight, Shockwave's spark skipped a beat. "Megatron, please, you need medical assistance. Please let me guide you back to your berth."

"So you can pretend to be my bond-mate?" scoffed the silver mech. "Please. I'm fine," he lied, cupping his side. "Now if you don't let me leave, I will have no choice but to kill the doctor as an example. For all of you to stop lying and tell me what this is you've done to me!"

"They're just trying to help," Karmashock said gently. "Please listen to Cole, he's telling the truth. Why would Shockwave lie to you? Why would he ever deceive you? He's never done so in the past, and he never would. You know that inside the bottom of your spark. Please let him take you back inside, Megatron."

Megatron's optics looked back and forth between the three in front of him. The two ambulance 'bots were behind him, probably waiting to assist if need be, but they weren't making themselves noticed by joining in the conversation.  
"Who are you supposed to be, then? My future therapist?" he laughed. After what Gammaray had done to him, he would _never_ let another one of those fucking cockroaches into his processor again. That bastard had taken every part of trust he had from him!

"Yeah, actually, I am," Karmashock stated. "And if you wanna question me anything you don't think I'll know, then go ahead. Because I've got files this big on you," he said, opening his hands to signify the load. "Being your therapist isn't an easy job, Megatron, but you are my patient, and I respect you and your privacy. But right now, you really need to get back inside."

Swallowing hard, Megatron's jaw went tight. Was he supposed to believe this was really true? That this was really happening? That he was in fact suffering amnesia? That the war was over? That he had signed some sort of treaty? Why wasn't he in prison, then? Right, he'd never let that happen, that's why. But he'd never accept failure, either. And thus he would _never_ sign a treaty!  
"Tell me something that only my psychiatrist would know, then," he said darkly. "Then I will oblige this doctor here, and I will return to get treatment." It wasn't really an option to walk away, anyway. He wasn't an idiot. He knew he was bleeding out. He knew he needed the help. And in this world, or time, or whatever the fuck he was in, there was no getting back to Decepticon headquarters. He would get fit again, and then he would kill every fucker in sight. Plus, he did have some honour. He would keep to his word, but he would make them regret it. He wouldn't accept he needed the help easily, though.

Karmashock's lips parted for a moment, though not taking his optics from Megatron. Alright. "I'd rather not expose such details in the audio's of everyone-,"

"Afraid you're going to lose, you shrimp?"

That made Karmashock's brows furrow. He didn't want to say something so in depth outside where everyone else could hear it, though. He'd have to be very careful in what he exposed.  
"Char," he said, seeing Megatron's optics widen ever so slightly. He would have gone for the obvious and his mother, but he wasn't going to allow Cole to hear that, or any observer. That was too personal. Char, on the other hand, could just be seen as a past girlfriend of Megatron's.

"Anyone could know about her…" Megatron whispered harshly. "She was well known… You could have just gotten that from Gammaray's notes."

"Ahh, but not to your soldiers," Karmashock stated. "You know as much as I do that you torched that place. It was hard enough scrambling around for those files for myself when Shockwave called me." Megatron's optics went to Shockwave before returning. "You still don't think I'm telling the truth? You're too proud to get help, Megatron. You simply couldn't do it yourself. And so instead, your bond-mate here, Shockwave, he did it for you. Because you _asked_ him to. You don't have to believe that I know your past, Megatron, but Cole is right, you need to at least return to your berth."

Megatron's jaw went tight once more, his hand tightening around his side. He tried to ignore the pain that was coursing through him, but it was beginning to make his processor spin. And so was this new found knowledge. How could he just up and forget this kind of information? He could see the date on his internal chronometer, but he thought that it could have been a trick.  
He looked to Shockwave, the mech having been quiet ever since he got there. Could he truly be bonded to him? Could he have somehow found love in his commander? He had always trusted Shockwave, but… interfacing with a mech? And bonding to one? He'd never even thought about it. He'd never given it a try. He had raped mechs every now and again, that he could remember like it was yesterday, but bonding? Something so serious? Rape was just an outlet. It was an act of violence and control to him. It wasn't sex. It wasn't intimacy! How could he forget something like bonding? It's all he ever wanted to do with Char… But Shockwave?  
He felt the oil dribble through his fingertips once more, pulling his optics away from the violet mech. "Get inside," he commanded, as if it was him to make the order and no one else for him to get back inside and get fixed up. They all seemed to relax at the words, and he pushed past them, nudging Karmashock hard as he walked back in through the doors.

Cole was right on the former Decepticon leader's heals. He closed the door behind him as Megatron reached the room he was occupying with his stay. He didn't allow the other two inside, and instead, he did his job.  
"You will have to remove your armour, please," he said softly, Megatron unclipping himself. He tossed the stained armour onto the floor and sat on the side of the berth. "I know it doesn't make sense right now, but your memory will come back, Megatron. For now, you really need to rest."  
Megatron was quiet. He winced and complained only when Cole re-dressed his wounds and soldered as much as he could.  
When he was done, Cole stepped back, allowing the mech his space. "Do you need anything else while I'm here?" he asked.

Megatron snorted. "A new processor, now get out," he snapped, almost throwing himself onto the berth as he lay down like a moody child.

Cole just nodded. "Energon will be here soon," he notified before stepping out of the room. Outside, both Karmashock and Shockwave were standing there. "He really needs to rest, so I can't let either of you inside. Shockwave, have you heard from his next of kin? He's lost a lot of oil and might need more. For now we do have one spare bag I've hooked him up to, but if he needs more, we will need another source."

"I will call Puncture once again. But you must know that Megatron is quite resilient. He will not go down easily. Is it best for you to bring his father here at a time like this? Megatron hardly dealt with it when it happened the first time," the former Military Operations Commander worried.

Cole glanced to Karmashock, not realising that there was some kind of past. "Sorry, I know you can't break confidentiality, Karmashock, but I think in such a case… you might need to explain some things to me about Megatron."

The Suzuki frowned a little. He hated breaking anything like that, but when it was such a case, he understood why he may need to. "We'll wait a little longer, okay? Just see how he is when he wakes up, yeah?"

Cole nodded. "Of course. Shockwave, you're welcome to stay in the waiting room. Karma, I think you should get some rest. I know you have more patients to tend to." He knew his partner. He knew very well that he wanted to be here by Megatron's side, but he did have other patients to tend to, just like he did.  
Karmashock nodded though, and they understood one another on a personal and career level. He left the hospital after saying a short goodbye, and Cole guided Shockwave to the waiting room before heading back to do his rounds.

*****  
Shockwave watched as Megatron slept. A few cycles had passed, and Cole had allowed him inside the room while the former leader was in stasis. At least when he was in stasis he wasn't yelling at anyone, or threatening to kill them. Shockwave couldn't help but give a mental chuckle. He loved Megatron as the mech he was today, but he so missed that stubborn, war-driven mech. After all, that was the mech he had first fell in love with. A dangerous, deadly predator. He still was deadly, but with the surgery to his processor, his control was certainly more in check.  
He lifted the keychain in his hand, feeling the piece of special metal that was attached to it. From an outsider's point of view, it would just look like a piece of metal. But it was more than that. It was part of the Nemesis. The ship had been disassembled under the ocean and pulled apart. There was no need for a secret underwater base anymore. Megatron had witnessed the deconstruction, and had taken a piece of the shrapnel to give to him. As a way for them both to remember. Not for the war and destruction, but on a more personal level of them being beside one another through those times. It may seem silly to others, but Shockwave knew it was important, and that's why he placed it on his keychain. He took it everywhere with him.  
Watching as the slow intakes of his master, Shockwave wished he could take his hand and tell him that everything was going to be okay. But he knew he couldn't. Hell, Megatron would probably be pissed off when he woke up and saw him here. He didn't see them as a couple, and that tore him apart. He didn't see them as bonded. He didn't see them as… anything but soldier and commander.  
Both antennae went back, feeling his spark yearn for the one in front of him to just recognise what they shared together. His hand lifted, and he almost placed it against the mech's broad shoulder, but he stopped, seeing the mech move. He contemplated standing up and going to the corner, like a good guard, but instead, he just pulled his hand back, sitting up straight from his slouched position. Something he only did when he was upset or tired.

Megatron felt his systems kick in, with the pain as well. He frowned, questioning why the fuck he wasn't on the strongest damn pain killers there were. His optics flickered online, and his groaned, arching his neck back. He didn't notice Shockwave beside him; he just figured he'd be in the room alone with someone outside guarding him. It's what happened when he was ill or recovering on the Nemesis.  
The Nemesis. Did it even exist anymore? His whole life he had put so much work into making her. Surely she wasn't gone. Surely she was still hidden somewhere in Kaon. Then again, the last he remembered, Kaon was in his reign, and it was burning with Autobot ashes. But outside deceived his optics. Or maybe it was his memory deceiving him?  
Turning his helm, he swallowed dryly, his optics falling onto the other inside the room. He mentally groaned. "What are you doing here?" he asked gruffly, optics going back to the ceiling as he lay half beneath the sheet. He placed a hand gently to his wound. It was still raw beneath, he could feel it. He also felt weak. He could see the oil bag that was connected to his wrist. It was being transferred into him. He'd lost more blood than he originally thought.

"You know I cannot leave you," Shockwave stated softly. He kept his hands to himself, the keys laced in between his fingers. "You still don't believe that we are bonded, do you?" He didn't want to strain Megatron's processor any more than it already was, but if he spiked something…? He'd have to remember.

He was really going to talk about that again? Megatron folded his arms against his bare chest, giving a soft huff. "Shockwave, you are a loyal soldier, but I would never…" He stopped, averting his optics. He would never lay with a mech, let alone let himself fall in love. "How did we apparently get together? You know very well I would not fall in love during war. And, Shockwave, you may be a strong looking mech, and attractive, but… you're a mech. I would have thought that was obvious with working together and my… midnight escapades."  
Megatron wouldn't deny a good looking 'bot when he saw one, femme or mech. He certainly did feel an… attraction to Shockwave, but he couldn't admit it. He just couldn't. He was a mech! He was a leader! Compassion wasn't for him. He'd never let himself love again. Not after all the betrayal he had suffered from everyone who was supposed to care for him. Love was nothing but cruel in the end.

Again, Shockwave's spark was only thrown around like a play toy to Megatron. He had no idea how much he was actually hurting him. But he lifted the keychain in his hand. "Do you know what this is?" he asked, tossing it onto Megatron's chest. He doubted the mech would have picked it up otherwise. Megatron just looked at it.  
"It is part of what happened to the Nemesis. Your ship that we all built for the Decepticon cause. When you signed that treaty, you agreed to disassemble her. You told me that there was no longer a need for her. She had crash landed beneath the ocean, so she wasn't flyable anymore. Thus she had no purpose. You gave this to me. You said that it would always be a piece of our history." He shook his helm lightly, watching as the piece of metal sat against his lover's dark fingers as he picked it up.

"Touching, but, this could be from anywhere," denied the silver mech, looking back to Shockwave. He chucked the keys back to him, but Shockwave didn't catch them, they just fell to the floor. His optics narrowed a little. He seemed so honest about it all, like it was the world to him. Was he supposed to feel guilty now? If anything, he only felt sympathy for seeing his commander so hurt. Even that was an overstatement.

Shockwave stood up, moving to the side of the room and picking something up. "I knew that might not be enough, so instead, I brought you this," he said, holding the black book up. While Megatron had been in stasis and he had to wait in the other room, he decided to head home and get something that could re-jog Megatron's memory. This was his past. His everything. Surely Megatron could see this was a sign of them being mated. Why else would he have ever let Shockwave have it?

Looking at the black book, Megatron didn't need to ask what it was. He knew what it was. He had spent stellar-cycles of his life writing in it. Telling his past story. Still, it didn't prove a damn thing. Shockwave could have gotten it out of his office somewhere back at headquarters. He cringed at the thought of anyone reading his personal files, though, and it made him angry.  
"You think that book has anything interesting in it?" he asked, giving a scoff. "Don't waste your time. That book has been sitting in my drawer for a long time, Shockwave. Who is to say you just didn't reach in and pluck it from me?"

He couldn't believe this! "Do not insult me, Megatron," he hissed. "You and I _both_ know that I would _never_ betray you like that! I would never go through your personal things, let alone step pede into your quarters without permission!"

Megatron just stared at the mech as he begun to yell, his accent going rather thick. He felt himself swallow hard, feeling something in his stomach tingle at the tone. Alright, there was certainly some kind of attraction, and his optics trailed down the tense mech.  
As he reached those heavily armoured thighs, he tensed, feeling pain shoot through his systems. He didn't like getting yelled at, or being spoken to with such a tone, but… for some reason, and he didn't know why, it was certainly making him ache. "Oh… ow…"

"What!?" Shockwave immediately became alert, putting the journal down. "Megatron…? Do you need me to get Doctor Cole for you?"

"No," the mech grumbled, holding his hand up so the violet mech wouldn't come any closer. "I think you should leave, Shockwave."

"So you can just deny me again and again!?" This time, Shockwave was the one being stubborn. He would _not_ let the plain evidence in Megatron's face go unnoticed! He knew Megatron was starting to believe. He wouldn't let it fade away! "Megatron, please! Just look at me. I know you know I'm telling the truth. I would _never_ lie to you!"

Feeling that cool and almost desperate and angry accent flow through him again, Megatron brought his knees up painfully. "Shockwave… I mean it. Get out." Oh, shit, it hurt so bad. He felt like he was about to explode.

"Fine…" the former commander murmured. He picked up the keys and tossed the back to Megatron. "Think about this while I'm gone. When I come back, your memory best be back or else." He was running out of patience.

Hearing the door slam, Megatron relaxed a little. "Shit…" he murmured, running a hand down his inner thigh and behind his cod. He was hot as hell down there. Maybe Shockwave really was telling the truth? He took a deep breath, but refused to believe a simple hard-on meant that the word had come to peace and that he was bonded to Shockwave. He'd need more than that to believe his commander.

**Author's Comment:**

Well... I THOUGHT this would be the final chapter, but it went longer than I thought, so yeah. Looks like there will be another one after this. ^^ Ahh, getting to know a little bit more about Cole, though, and seeing him at the work place.

Looks like Shockwave's patience is starting to wear thin, too. Luckily for him, Megatron's beginning to realise there is some sort of attraction between them. :) Or at least his body is, anyway... Dat accent, UNF.

Also, I believe it was Mamabot that originally wrote that into my AU with the little piece of the Nemesis on the keychain. So thank you to her for making that idea now canon :D


	4. Chapter 4

Part IV

**Warning: This chapter contains mentions of masturbation. **

Megatron sat on the side of the hospital berth, running a hand up his own arm. The IV had been taken out with the transfer of the oil, and Cole had given him the okay that he could walk around the room. It wasn't like he could do that much walking, though. It took two of his steps and he was on the other side. He just thanked Primus there was a small bathroom in the room. And by bathroom, it was just really a toilet. Not that he'd needed to go yet. He stored energon like a camel stored fat in their hump.  
He'd just turned the television off. He'd seen the news. The mines. The collapse. The death toll. Everything they had told him seemed to be true. He couldn't watch much of it, though, it just granted him more confusion. So he turned it off.  
He looked at the keychain that was in his hands, fingering the small piece of metal that Shockwave had said was part of the Nemesis. For the love of him, he tried to remember. He was beginning to believe his commander, but at the same time, there was part of him that just couldn't. He couldn't accept being in love with a mech. His soldier. How long had they been bonded? How long had they been together? Did they live together? Clearly they'd slept together, but… the thought was so strange. Sleeping with a mech. Sleeping with _Shockwave!_  
He looked at the keys that were on the chain. A thick one, which was probably a house key, a thin one, which was probably to some kind of vehicle. The other one was a card. He flipped it over, looking at it. On it was a small professional photo of Shockwave. A business card?  
"Wave Industries…" he murmured, reading the card, a small symbol that looked like a spark-beat underneath the name. Shockwave… owned his own company? He frowned, pressing his fingers to his forehelm. No, it couldn't be true!  
He put them aside, standing up. Wincing, he grabbed his side, but he walked over to his armour. He wasn't going to leave; he just wanted to check something. Something that he should have checked the first time he put it on.  
Flipping his chest armour over, he looked at the blank space. No insignia. He rubbed his fingers against it, feeling that it was uneven. It had been painted over. He scratched at it, seeing the purple scarred symbol beneath it. It was there, but it was covered. Had he truly given up? Had he truly left his legacy behind?  
And what of Shockwave? What of his supposed mate? Why had he gotten such a reaction from him? It was his voice. It was his accent. It had sent a chill down his spinal-pillar. It had made him… want something from him. Was it him? He didn't know. All he knew was that he had been highly turned on. Then again, when wasn't he semi-hard? He'd fucked so many 'bots in his time that it was impossible to know when he was sexually stimulated by them or just needed to fuck someone.  
Frowning, he placed the armour back down onto the rack. He turned as he heard a knock, the door opening. Shockwave stepped in sight, awaiting the okay for him to come inside. He nodded, and the violet mech, his apparent mate, stepped inside.

"I apologise for acting the way I had," Shockwave said gently, seeing that the mech was standing beside his armour. He had a hospital gown around him now, which only meant Cole had been back to visit. He thanked the Allspark that the medic was taking good care of him. And Megatron seemed calmer than before.

"Can I have your arm for a moment?"

Shockwave's antennae perked up in curiosity. "Anything," he murmured, both arms coming out. Megatron moved towards him, and he could feel his heat. He could feel the mass of the mech before him, and he wanted to move in more than anything. Unfortunately, Megatron just took his arms and examined them.

"Why are they covered?" asked the silver mech, optics looking to his soldier. Why would he cover his pride like this?

"You… commanded it," Shockwave informed, his arms lowering as Megatron's hands slipped away. "When you signed the treaty, it became illegal to show any support to the Decepticon Empire. Our pasts have been rewritten and many have been deleted from the system. To protect our identity. We are not listed on anything by the government. Everything is private."

That didn't sound like him, but what else could he honestly believe? Megatron returned to the berth, sitting down on the side. "That therapist, Karmashock?" he said, lifting his helm, "He said something of a surgery. What does he speak of?"

Shockwave moved further into the room, watching the other mech curiously. Was Megatron starting to finally believe him? What had changed his mind? Or was he starting to gain some form of memory back? Either way, information could hopefully stimulate his processor into remembering.  
"Before you signed the treaty, you were promised treatment for your condition. Ratchet, the Autobot medic, operated on you. He fused your personality chip into one. The condition was a birth defect, so Karmashock and Ratchet have come to believe, but the fusion made you gain access to controlling your… other side."

"I see…" Megatron acknowledged. He had trusted Shockwave for a very long time, and the way he had acted about questioning that? Maybe it was time he started at least acknowledging this new information. This new world. He didn't believe it, and it would take a long time, but… if he didn't, then things just didn't make sense.  
The one thing he had noticed was that he did feel more in control. His head felt different. Like something was missing, but… in a good way. There was no strain to his left side. There was no headache—besides the one from his concussion. But he felt more… like himself. It was hard to explain, and he didn't understand it, but if this surgery really happened, then maybe that was the answer.

Still standing, Shockwave expelled a gentle sigh. "Megatron, you do not have to believe me," he said, coming closer and kneeling to the ground to look up at his mate. "I wish for nothing more than for your memory to come back, but I yearn for your wellbeing more than anything. I know this must be confusing for you, and if I were in your pedes, I would be the same. I understand if you do not wish for me to be here. Just say the word and I will be out of your crest."

Megatron's optics lifted in surprise, his lips parting. "My… what?" he asked, shocked that anyone would know what hid behind his helmet.

A light chuckle came from the violet mech, still kneeling. "Your crest. I was quite surprised, myself, when you showed me."

Megatron's hand lifted so the back of his helm. "Why would I do that…?" he whispered, though looking to the mech before him. He would never show his crest to anyone. Not after his mother having defiled him when just a child. When she had molested him, it wasn't just his cable she had touched. She had stroked his thighs and his crest. It only made it worse because both areas were so sensitive to him. Both areas gave him stimulation. And it made him sick to have ever gotten excited from such touches.

"When we bonded, you were quite ill from the surgery. The bond was not complete. Or… not as strong as one could be. You refused to make it any deeper, saying that you didn't want for me to suffer your past—that it would make me weak. It only made us stronger," he confessed, antennae laying back to his idol and life.  
"Our second Earth year anniversary, you took your helmet off for me, and for the first time, you allowed me to see all of you. And your spark, too. We completed the bond." He didn't leave in the part that he had been drugged and kidnapped that night, and that Starscream and Skywarp had tortured him and almost killed him.

Why did he sound so honest? Why did he make it sound so convincing? Megatron's back slouched, his hands going between his knees. He turned his optics away. There was no doubt about it. His spark felt strange. He didn't know what it was, but he knew if felt different.  
"This means we've… fucked, haven't we?" he asked, looking back to the mech. To his surprise, Shockwave's cheeks went a dark shade, his antennae laying back. He was… embarrassed? Shy? He'd never seen his commander like this before. Or had he, he just didn't remember?

"Yes, we have made love," the violet mech answered, clearing his throat a little.

That spiked Megatron's attention, looking the mech up and down. He couldn't imagine making love to a mech, let alone Shockwave. He seemed so… uptight. What was interfacing with a half-droid like? He just seemed so… stagnant. Was it like fucking a corpse? Then again, it wouldn't be the first time he'd screwed a stiff body.  
"What was it like?" he asked outright, as if not having any morals at all. Well, if the mech was supposed to be his bond-mate, then he shouldn't by shy around him at all. Then again, this was Shockwave. He was a very humble and modest mech.

Shockwave stiffened, rising to his pedes. "I… erm…" He didn't know how to explain it, and was caught off guard to the question. Then again, Megatron did like sex… It was a well-known fact to anybody who had met him. He was a sex addict. "It was… everything I ever expected and more," he answered, rubbing the back of his neck. Even with his mate, he was still shy about talking about his sex-life.

"Are you always this shy?" Again, it only caused Shockwave to stiffen more, which pretty much answered his question. "Have you ever… ah… entered me?"

Both antenna pricked forward before going lax. "Rarely do I ever dream of myself entering you, Megatron. The war has ended, but I know you are my Master, and my Liege. For I do not believe in a higher power, simply what is logic. And you, Megatron, are my Lord. Who I will give my life for. Who I will forgive. Who I will love for eternity."

Megatron's optics narrowed a little as he leant his back up straight, entwining his hands into his lap. "That was not what I asked you."

"Erm, yes, I have. But… only twice in our relationship have I ever done so. I am forever yours to control when it comes to such things. I enjoy… I enjoy you being inside me. And I know you enjoy dominating me."

"What was it like?"

The violet mech's antennae once more perked to their peak. So many questions he wished to know. He would answer them all. "You were… a virgin, you told me. Besides what… your past therapist did do you."

Megatron's hands tightened, going up against his thighs. "You know about that?" he asked, his optics hard as he felt his spark-rate increase. He could remember the pain shooting up his insides when Gammaray had penetrated and raped him with a flag pole that had been in his office.  
His hands relaxed, though, looking back up towards Shockwave. "I would have never guessed my virginity was taken from my Military Operations Commander. I suppose… at least it was with someone I love, correct?"

Shockwave's antennae dropped lightly. He should not have to be told that he loved him—he should know. And it pained Shockwave to hear this. "What will happen if you don't remember soon? Will you leave me?"

The warlord tensed. "You assume we are still together?" he asked, watching the other. He stood up from the berth. "If you can prove to me that I fell in love with you, then I will give you a chance. But if I do not have these feelings for you, then I cannot be with you. A loveless bond is the last thing I wish to put anyone else through, not after what I grew up with. It made me a very sick and hateful child."

Feeling Megatron's hand go to his shoulder, Shockwave desperately wanted to take it, to show him some kind of sign that he did love him somewhere within that confused spark of his. "How do you suppose I do such a thing, Megatron?" he asked, his accent soft, as if pleading for a suggestion.

"Apparently you've done it before," Megatron smirked, patting the mech. He then turned around and sat back on the berth. "I must admit, the control I have over myself is quite a good feeling, but that doesn't change my confusing and feelings towards us being bonded. How a mech made me fall for him, I have no idea. But if what you say is true, then I want you to prove it to me. I am giving you this chance, because you are, and always have been, my most trusted soldier. I would not give this opportunity to anyone else. So don't take it for granted."

Shockwave's insides went crazy. How the hell was he supposed to make Megatron fall in love with him when he didn't even know how the mech fell in love with him in the _first_ place!? He was honoured, though, that Megatron would even give him the chance. And he would try his best.  
"I will be by your side as much as possible, Megatron. I-I will do anything for you, whatever you ask. Just tell me and I will take your commands."

"Isn't love meant to be about sharing and knowing one another?" the older mech said, arching an optic ridge.

"Ask me anything, then."

"Do you consider yourself a droid?"

"What…?" Shockwave's antennae went back. Megatron had never insulted him before about this.

"Do you consider yourself a droid?" Megatron repeated, Shockwave just going still. "Then stop acting like one. You are not my personal slave, Shockwave. And if that's how I've treated you before, and in a love-filled bond, then shame on me. Now get out of here before I change my mind, and go home. You look like you need a good rest." He tossed the keys to his commander, the mech catching them this time.

Shockwave nodded. He didn't say anything else; he just thanked Megatron for giving him this chance mentally. He didn't want to seem like a slave—even though he would do anything for Megatron if asked—so he just stayed silent and removed himself from the room and went home, like told to.

Lying back in the berth, Megatron gave a tired sigh. He pulled the sheet loosely over him, resting his right arm beneath his helm. How Shockwave had made him feel such a way, he really didn't know. But the mech seemed more than happy to be given such a chance.  
He smirked a little. Maybe Shockwave and he really were in love. He didn't know, but he didn't want to be pressured into something he didn't feel, and he wouldn't let that happen, either. Still, the mech seemed genuine about his feelings, and he sounded honest when he spoke of them. Sure, some things didn't sound like him, but with this surgery, who the hell knew what he was like now? He certainly didn't.  
He thought about it once more, what it would be like to interface with Shockwave. Was there someone actually needy and passionate beneath that droid exterior? Was there an insane and wild Shockwave that no one else had ever seen before? He had said he's enjoyed him being inside him, then surely the sex couldn't be that bad, right? Surely beneath that armour was a fine looking mech that was a needy little bitch that wanted a good fuck.  
He grinned at the image, his left hand going against his sore side. He felt it, and it hurt, still bruised and raw. He couldn't see his stomach due to the bandage, so he couldn't see that the tattoo on his abdomen was still there. Instead, he went further down, he fingers resting against his codpiece. He could easily remove it. He could easily take it off and let himself out. It wasn't like Megatron had shame when it came to being so exposed in a public area. Besides, this was his room, Shockwave had gone home, and he wasn't about to buzz his doctor in.  
Relaxing against the berth, he let his left hand unclip his cod, taking the semi-hard member out. Wait… what the hell was that? He looked down, feeling the thick metal. Primus, he'd put it back in? When!? He knew it was a stupid idea to get a piercing when he'd woken up the next morning from being drunk, but… putting it back in? He'd taken it out due to being a warrior. No need for that thing getting kicked around and causing pain. He must have been persuaded to put it back in after the war had ended, then. Wait, was he actually accepting that the war had ended and that everyone was telling him the truth now?  
He leant his head back down, venting a confused sigh. Maybe masturbating wasn't such a good idea. Then again, it was always the best way to just stop thinking. That made him question… did Shockwave like it?  
He felt the thickly gaged ring, looping his finger through it. Already, he could feel he was getting rather excited at the thought of shoving it into someone. Shockwave? Maybe. But whenever he masturbated, it never stayed on the one 'bot. It went all over the place. Violence. Passion. Murder, even. Sometimes it was just the image of choking someone.  
A fang peeked out, biting his bottom lip. He deserved this. After being injured and confused as fuck, he deserved some personal time to himself. And so he wrapped his palm around the thickened cord, beginning to move his hand up and down.  
"Uh…" he gasped. It was painful on his abdomen with the strain of his muscles, but he ignored it. The pleasure was ten times better, anyway. It felt like he hadn't been touched in such a long time. Maybe it was his memory, or maybe it was just the two solar-cycles without having fucked someone, but it felt like he was doing it for the first time in a long time. Like a virgin just feeling their body for the first time.

*****  
Having finished with his final patient today, Karmashock headed back into the hospital. He tried looking for Cole, but the receptionist told him he was with a patient. He thanked her, and asked if he could visit Megatron. She gave him the okay, and so he headed down the corridors. Cole was probably seeing to him, too, so that would be a good thing.  
He'd called Shockwave after he had left his office in Tyrex, but the mech had said he'd returned home. He'd also given him the good news that Megatron was contemplating their relationship. It was a good status right now, especially considering Megatron's memory still wasn't back. At least the mech was giving him some kind of promise. It could fail, but at least it was something. He was sure Shockwave would return. He wondered if the mech had left work for a few days on annual leave. It might be a good idea. As for Megatron, he'd need to go back to the head of the company once he was ready to leave and ask what would happen with his position.  
They'd lost many miners that day, so he was sure the boss would be happy they had one efficient worker. Plus, there were many openings elsewhere. It would just be a strain having to get used to the other workers he was being placed with. Layce had made it out, so hopefully she could be a familiar face.  
He reached the door, but he stopped. Megatron was in stasis, so maybe visiting wasn't such a good idea. Cole wasn't inside, either, and with Megatron's temper, seeing a therapist again could blow a gasket in the mech.  
He placed his hand back down, but his optics stayed on the mech. No… he was awake. And… oh, Primus. Karmashock's optics arched for a moment. Well… at least he was comfortable? Something like this wasn't exactly rare for Karmashock to see. Every one of his patients was seeing him on a sexually based sense. He'd had stalkers before, and even ones who had pushed themselves onto him. Even those who had pulled out their junk for him to look at.

"Karma, hey."

The motorbike flinched hard, turning his head to see his mechfriend. "Oh, Cole… you scared the hell outta me, mate," he said in a soft voice. The checkered mech just gave a friendly smile, but he stopped him from entering the room. "You don't wanna go in there right now."

Cole's optics arched in confusion. "Is Shockwave in there?" Karmashock shook his head. "Then what?"

"Uh, there's no easy way to put this, but he's having a bit of fun with himself. You know… personal alone fun."

"Ew! He can't do that in here!" Cole gasped, as if it was against all regulations. He went to push the door open, but Karmashock was there before his hand reached it. "Karma, it's unhealthy!"

"You know what's gunna be unhealthy for you? If you walk in there and disturb him," the therapist pushed. "Trust me, once that's out of his system, he'll be a completely different mech. He'll have _manners!_"

"I don't care if he's the nicest mech in the world, Karmashock," complained the doctor. "How long have you been standing here watching him…?" he questioned, arching an optic ridge.

Karmashock's lips parted. "What, you think I've been watching him? I just found out!" he said with a blush. "I thought he was in stasis until I saw the movement…"

Cole's emerald optics narrowed lightly. "Fine, I'll give him a few breems before I enter, but you're not staying here. That's creepy."

Karmashock hadn't told Cole that he was a voyeur, but that wasn't what he was doing, he honestly just thought Megatron was in stasis. He didn't know whether he would have stayed or not if Cole didn't come up behind him like that. Probably not considering it was so public… and the fact that Megatron was a patient. Still, he'd be lying if he said it wasn't hot.  
He chuckled a little, rubbing the back of his neck. "No worries, mate. I'll just stay in the waiting room until you're ready, okay?" When Cole nodded, the both of them awkwardly went their separate ways.

*****  
"Uh… yes…" Megatron panted as he fell limp against the berth, feeling the hot liquid hit up against the tissues that had been beside his berth (not for the reason he had used them for, clearly). The hand that had been holding the tissues rested against his forehelm now, his chest heavily rising and falling with fresh intakes of air. Primus, that had been one of the best damn overloads he'd ever had from himself. Maybe restricting himself more was a good idea. It seemed to make the overload last longer and feel much better.  
He sighed, his thighs relaxing as they had tensed up so much. His abdomen hurt, but as he relaxed, the throbbing in his side went down, and soon it was just back to dull, but constant, pain. He took the tissues from himself and tossed them into the bin that was near. Then he covered himself back up. All while not leaving the berth.  
Relaxing against the cushions once more, he gazed up at the ceiling, feeling rather refreshed now. There was one confusing thing, though. As much as he had been against the idea of a mech ever riding him, it's all he could think of. Every time he tried to push away the image, it just came back. And in the end, the thought of Shockwave riding him had made him come hard. He swallowed, frowning to himself.  
Could he really love Shockwave? Lust and love was something very different, but not once in his life had he eve lusted over Shockwave, let alone a mech. Maybe the surgery had turned him? Had fucked with his processor? Or maybe when he was growing up, he'd never given mechs the chance because his father had called them faggots and looked down upon them. Maybe it was scarred into his mind that it was wrong due to his religion. But wasn't love meant to be a blessing from anyone? No matter who you were. No matter if you were the same sex. Even with his mother's religion, he never once saw mechs as wrong for loving other mechs. He just personally didn't lust after them.  
Maybe with the control of his other half he really had changed, and opened his optics to Shockwave. As well as his spark.

**Author's Comment:**

At least Megatron's willing to let Shockwave prove to him that he fell in love by making him fall in love with him again. Not that Shockwave can really do MUCH but BE there for Megatron. Then again, that's how Megatron started feeling for him in the beginning anyway, by just being by his side and showing that he actually cared about him even after the war had finished. =3

Ack... Karma... I don't know if he would have stayed or not. Probably NOT, like said in the fic, because it's unprofessional, but yeah, you get your first peek of Karmashock's voyeurism here. And I love how Cole is like EW, THAT'S GROSS XD He's such a little sweetie 3

Oh yeah, Megatron's sex drive right now is like a chick right after they've gotten off their period. Ladies, ya'll know what I'm talking about!


	5. Chapter 5

Part V

Megatron still had the bandage around his waist, but he was now allowed to head home. Home? Where was home? He didn't even know. But Shockwave had told him that he had a place to stay with him, and that it was their shared home.  
Personally, he couldn't see himself sharing a house with another mech, other than just being roommates. But bonded? He couldn't imagine sharing a berth with a mech. Sleeping the way he did? He slept naked. He was positive it would be awkward as hell. He decided he'd take the couch when he actually saw the place. If the couch was shit, then he'd just take the bed and make Shockwave sleep on the couch. He seemed to be willing to do anything for him, after all. Plus, he was the wounded one.  
Karmashock had come in to see him with Cole, but the therapist didn't say much. He didn't tell Karmashock much of anything, either. He wasn't going to talk to him unless he _had_ to, and the last thing he wanted was a shrink getting into his head. He had 'amnesia' so it wasn't like he'd remember what the fuck they talked about, anyway.  
He did ask about what he last remembered, though. He remembered Kaon in ruins and under Decepticon control. He didn't remember Earth, even though Shockwave had said they had been there. The thought of homing on another planet made him sick to the stomach. He didn't remember the crash. All he remembered was the Autobot's were planning to leave to gather energon from another source, and that they were to follow. It hadn't happened, though. His memory was apparently set a long time back.  
"Are you ready?" came a familiar accent. Shockwave had been here every day with him. He had been sweet to him. He had cared for him. Never once overstepping the boundary, even though he still said they were bonded. It had to have been killing him for them not to touch, though. Bonds could be powerful things between two. He'd be lying if he said he hadn't felt more of a connection to the mech over time, but there was still that doubt. And he certainly wasn't going to throw himself onto the mech.  
He looked over his shoulder, smoothing a hand down the bare armour that was covering his chest. It felt strange wearing no faction decal. "Yes," he answered, turning around. He didn't have any belongings here but that, and no one had sent him any wishes. He figured the only friend he really had was Shockwave. He didn't remember who he worked with or who had died. He had no one to mourn. He didn't even know his father was still alive. No one had told him, and the mech had stayed away—though that was due to Karmashock saying it could be too traumatic at the time being.

Shockwave's antennae went back respectively to his Master. "I have picked up your ute from work. I hope you didn't mind that I drove it."

Megatron just shrugged. "Didn't even know I had one," he mumbled.

Right. Shockwave's hands fell. "I'm sorry, Megatron," he said gently, frowning at the fact that Megatron didn't know of anything he owned anymore. His memory hadn't come back yet. They'd talked—a lot, too—but nothing about their belongings. They just spoke about what made Megatron comfortable, and what he wanted to know. He wasn't pushing his mate's memory to come back, because he knew it would cause strain on his processor and potentially make things worse. His memory would come back when it wanted to. And Megatron had accepted to return to their home, or… stay with him at their home for now. After all, he had nowhere else to go.

"Don't be," he said, making sure he was clipped down correctly. "Well, I have data-pads to sign, I'm sure. Unless hospital procedures have changed, then I still remember that one."

Shockwave gave a light chuckle, nodding his helm. "Of course." He opened the door, and Megatron stepped out. He followed him, walking down the corridor and around the front to reception. Once Megatron had signed the pads he needed to, he escorted him out to the car park. Megatron knew what Kaon Hospital looked like, but he clearly didn't know what the ute looked like.

Following Shockwave, Megatron began feeling like he wasn't exactly in control here. Something he didn't like, and he didn't like feeling like he was some sort of follower, and not the leader. He was leader material, and he knew it. Amnesia or not. But he also knew that he knew nothing of this new world. He didn't have the upper hand, and as much as it pissed him off, at least he had somewhere to stay. So he followed.  
When Shockwave stopped, he looked at the massive black ute, his hand lifting to touch the hood. "This is mine?" he asked, Shockwave giving a gentle nod. "Heh… I like it," he mused, running his fingers across the trim. "Now this is certainly something I can see myself getting into."  
Looking back at the violet mech, Megatron realised what he said was offensive to his apparent mate. "Uh… figure of speech," he muttered, averting his optics.

The former commander's shoulders lowered a little. He knew Megatron didn't mean it in a cruel way, but it still hurt to know that he wasn't romantically interested in him… yet. But he was determined. He would prove to Megatron that they were the perfect couple. That they loved one another. That they were bonded.  
Brushing the comment off, he pressed the button on the keys. "Well, she is yours, and you certainly take good care of her. I promise not to crash her when driving," he said in a light tone. Megatron just smiled lightly before getting into the passenger seat.

As the engine started, Megatron wished he was driving. He wanted to feel the raw power of the engine rev, but he knew he had no idea where the fuck he was going. Some of the streets had changed. He could tell that just from where Kaon Hospital was. That hadn't changed. It was still in the same area. Everything else, though? Some things were the same. Some things not.  
He lifted his elbow and placed it onto the windowsill, knuckles against his cheek. He watched as they drove past so much that he remembered being lost. Schools, shopping centres. Stations. Kaon wasn't known for being pretty, it was where a lot of the industrial sites were, which was why it became Decepticon owned in the first place. That and because it had always been his home. Where most of the slums were so he could gather soldiers. He knew the 'bot who lived here were just like him, and so he knew that they would follow. They needed a leader, and he was that leader.  
As the scenery got a little more vibrant and less crowded, his optics began to zone out. He didn't take in too much, but it certainly felt like déjà vu was happening. Like he'd taken this path before, but he just couldn't remember what it was, or why. Maybe it was part of his memory trying to come back to him? He didn't know.  
Shockwave was silent most of the ride, probably just leaving him to his thoughts. He looked to the mech out of the corner of his optics. He was concentrating on the road, his spare hand on his thigh as he held the wheel with one. He smirked a little at how silent and concentrated he was. Shockwave had always been a great soldier, and one that would hardly ever fail at something. It was nice to see him at ease just driving, and not working his processor off for something… evil. Something that he had commanded.  
To go from war to peace within what seemed like a second wasn't easy. The only thing that was letting him not cause such destruction and chaos was the fact that he didn't have the urge to. The voice in his head wasn't constantly yelling at him, screaming at him to kill, kill, kill! Instead, it was silent. Silent as his mind could get, anyway—which still meant a lot of overthinking was going on.  
He moved his hand, opening the glove box of the vehicle. He figured if this was his truck, then it clearly had his belongings in it. He placed his hand inside, taking out a few data-sheets. Registration, things like that. All under his name. This really was his, then…

"You have cigarettes in the back, if that's what you're looking for," Shockwave answered, his optic still on the road, though.

Megatron's body seemed to relax at the mention of a cigarette. He flipped through the sheets, though. "I just wanted to see if any of this was… me," he commented, putting them back in the glove box. He saw the lanyard that was sitting in the middle between the two of them. Picking it up, he flipped it over. It was old, which meant he'd probably have a new one somewhere, but it was his own card and access to the space-bridge. Space-bridge!? Shockwave…? He'd finished it!? Was that was Wave Industries was!?  
Looking at the little photo of himself, it had a chip in it, signifying that it was no longer worthy of use. Where his new one was, he didn't know. Maybe it was back at the place he'd worked at? Which only meant it was lost now. Anything he had had there was gone…  
"The space-bridge was you, then? You finished it?" he asked, his optics looking to the driving mech. "I saw the card on your keychain. Wave Industries…"

"Yes," Shockwave answered, his optic still on the road. "I finished making it when you were on Earth. You goal was to send the energon cubes so I could keep it running, as they were low. It was rough at the beginning, but it was finally finished. Then all you needed to do was get enough energon to bring your ship back. To make her run."

"But that didn't happen if she got demolished, yes?"

Shockwave's antennae lowered a little. "No, it did not happen. But this is Cybertron now," he motioned with his free hand before putting it on the wheel. "It is what you wanted. You gave your terms and conditions when you signed the treaty. It was to never get as bad as it was before the war. No corruption in the government. We have a council, not just one leader or senator. Prime is in command, but only because you allowed him to be. You knew that he would never harm Cybertron, or be corrupted by the darker natures out there."

Why would he have _ever_ given Prime Cybertron? It was _his_ to rule! But he knew it wouldn't have stopped there. He had killed his own planet so it seemed. He had caused so much destruction.  
"You said that there was no energon here. Who kept her running?" Once more, he looked to the violet mech that was driving. They pulled up in the undercover car-park, and he knew he was here. He was at his… new home. Or at least what was once a shared home with Shockwave. Right now, it was just a place to stay.

"I did," answered the former commander. "You placed me in charge of Cybertron. I never left. I looked after our motherland, and I used as much stored energon as I could to keep it going, and myself. I protected home from ever getting in the hands of the Autobot's."

"Just you?"

Shockwave turned the key, pulling it out as the ignition turned off. "Yes, just me. I had a crew with me for a while, but all perished. I was left on Cybertron to wait for you for… what seemed an eternity, Megatron. But because of your orders, you are here today. Cybertron is still here today."

Shockwave must have been a very proud Cybertronian, then. Even prouder than he was. Megatron's optics returned to the front. He knew he trusted Shockwave, and he was a very powerful commander and fighter. He wasn't in that role for no reason. He knew Cybertron would be safe within the hands of the mech he was sitting next to.

"Come, we're home," said the violet mech in his soft, English accent. He opened the car door, and once the both of them were out, he locked it. They headed into the building and into the elevator, hitting their private top floor. The only way you could get up here was access from the receptionist down below, or from a key.  
Stepping out, he walked over to their apartment door, sticking the key in. He pushed the door open, and allowed Megatron to step in. Once his former leader was out of the way, he followed in and closed the door behind him.

Megatron's optics looked around the room. From where he was standing, he could see inside the lounge-room and the kitchen. There was a small hallway beside the staircase and past the kitcnen, which he presumed led to a bedroom.  
"So, this is it?" he asked, taking another step in. It was clean and tidy, and whatever was inside looked nice and fancy. Well, it wasn't like he bought things unless he knew that would last, and he was sure Shockwave was the same. However, he stopped when he saw a particular piece in the living room.  
He moved into the room, tracing his ebony fingers against its twin coloured casing. "It's been a long time since I ever played," he murmured, looking at the instrument. It was polished to a shine. Someone clearly took good care of it. In fact, the whole place was very nice and clean. He doubted that was his doing, though. He was one of those mechs that left things out half of the time. Never putting them away once he'd used them. Then again, with what he was brought up with, he couldn't exactly be blames for being able to stand messes. He had a certain limit, of course. He wasn't a slob.

Both ivory antennae flickered lightly. "Not for me," he stated, Megatron looking at him with a confused facial. "I've heard you play numerous amounts of times, Megatron. When we completed our bond, we came here. You were not ready to live here, but the option was always open. This was our home when you accepted to come back. And that night, this is what I gave you. From my bare hands and my entire spark."

Megatron's shoulders lowered lightly, his fingers falling from the grand piano. "You gave me this?" he asked, though already knowing the answer was yes. His whole childhood, the only thing in it that caused an escape was the piano his mother and father had given him. And even then, it was merely used and picked up off the side of the street. It was never made from their hands. It wasn't even paid for. It was someone else's junk, but it had become his treasure.  
"You must really love me for you to have done something like that for someone who has caused nothing but chaos and destruction to your home world." Seeing Cybertron as it was now, apparently he was leading a normal life. A life that he had always wanted to lead, but couldn't because of how corrupt everything had become. But now? It all seemed perfect, almost. Besides the fact that he had no recollection of anything besides war.

The keys in Shockwave's hand fell to the table, and he almost fell to his knees. "I love you more than anything, Megatron," he said desperately. He hated that his mate couldn't remember! He hated that all he saw in him was just another mech. Just a soldier and maybe a friend. But he loved him so much, with everything he had. To change his feelings this soon? To say that he no longer loved him. It was so painful. He couldn't bear to think about them separating because of this accident.

Megatron took his optics away from the mech once more. The last thing he wanted was for things to be awkward. "I will take the couch," he said, looking at the large sofa.

Shockwave nodded. "By all means, you can have the berth. It's just upstairs. There is a spare berth in the spare room just down the hallway, I will take that."

"No, I am your guest. You have the master bedroom."

"No, you are my mate!" corrected the former Guardian.

Looking to the golden optic, Megatron didn't push it. "I will take the couch or the spare bed," he repeated, it being an order this time.

At hearing the tone, Shockwave nodded, taking the command. He missed how Megatron spoke to him in such a way. Now, he was just quiet and so out of character. He hated it. He wanted the real Megatron back. He wanted the passionate Megatron back. The one that would fight for anything that was his. And Shockwave was his, and how he loved being taken by such a dominant mech. How he loved feeling those fangs sink into his neck and take him. Take him from behind. Fucking him. _Owning_ him.  
"Feel free to look around. There is a shower both upstairs and downstairs. One down the hallway in the spare bedroom. You never know, something might stimulate your memory," he hoped, giving a gentle bow before walking from the room. He needed some energon. This wasn't just exhausting for Megatron, but him, too. And he hated it. He hated it so much.

*****  
It was night, and Shockwave had already gone to bed. Or at least he'd headed upstairs, anyway. Megatron had waited for the mech to head upstairs before he headed into the shower on the lower level. Again, this place made him feel like he was experiencing déjà vu, but nothing was being actually remembered. It just felt like he'd been here before. Experienced it.  
Having a water-proof gel on his wound, he still made sure not to stand directly beneath the water. He knew it wouldn't get wet from the gel seal, but he was still careful. The last thing he wanted was to feel pain like that against him.  
Getting the cleanser, he rubbed it against his frame, over his broad shoulders, under his arms, gently down his left side and then the rest. It felt good to finally be clean. Showers were something that Megatron needed on a regular basis. Not because he was a hard worker or smelled bad because of that, but because he'd become obsessed with cleaning himself from his mother's filth. Every day it was like something was crawling beneath his skin. He felt revolting, like he had been the one to do the wrong thing.  
He shuddered, leaning a hand against the glass door. Did he feel like this all the time he had a shower? Did he always scratch at himself to try and peel the violation away? Or was Shockwave a comfort to him? He already noticed that when he was around, he forgot many of the feelings he had when he was alone. The hate. The pain. The self-loathing.  
Venting a sigh, he turned off the tap and stepped out of the shower. He was surprisingly tired, which was unusual for him, especially when his mind wouldn't shut up. It must have been the wound, or maybe the antibiotics he was on.  
Looking around, he frowned. Damnit, there was no towels down here. Padding his way across to the drawers, he opened them, as if thinking there might have been something he could dry himself with. Nothing but some cleaning products beneath the sink. It was a spare bedroom, so there was nothing else down here.  
He didn't want to get the house all wet by walking around, though. Stepping on the small mat that was in front of the shower, he tried to shake himself off, as if it would dry him like a dog. It didn't work very well, though. His frown deepened.  
With his helmet still on, he opened the door, making sure to wipe his pedes on the bathroom mat before walking around the house. He looked down the hallway. There was no closet or anything. Just a small laundry room, which meant the towels there would be dirty. He didn't want to dry himself with something that was sitting in a hamper.  
He had no choice; unless he wanted to just dry off in the sheets he'd sleep in. He grabbed a cushion from the lounge and headed up the stairs. Knocking on the door, he peered in, seeing Shockwave seated on the berth.  
Quickly, he saw the mech put down something in his hands, as if to hide it. "There are no towels…" he explained, standing there with a cushion in front of his cable. He wasn't embarrassed, he just didn't wish for Shockwave to think he was leading him on. That's wasn't the case, there really just weren't any towels downstairs.

"Oh, I'm so sorry!" apologised the English accent. Shockwave immediately stood up, heading into the ensuite and grabbing a clean towel. "Here," he said, handing it to the mech. He averted his optic from the naked mech, but Primus it was hard. Those strong, masculine arms. That thick chest and belly, leading down to those gorgeous, heavy thighs of his. Oh, Primus, the mere thought was causing him to have a hot flush.

Megatron nodded in thanks as he was given the towel. He quickly wrapped it around himself before dropping the cushion. So, this was their shared room? He looked around. It was quite large. It had a desk, a bathroom attached, a large berth, and a dresser—which was probably where the towels and sheets where considering Cybertronians didn't have clothes. Merely some additional add ons per jobs if needed.  
"What where you looking at?" he asked, tying the towel up as Shockwave returned to the berth. He moved in closer, but Shockwave seemed to lean away on the berth, almost hiding whatever it was in his hands. Curious. It must be important and personal.

Shockwave's antennae went down as he looked at the photo. How could he put that on Megatron's mind? How could he tell him that they were going to have a sparkling and that it was taken from them? But he couldn't lie… He had to tell the mech the truth. Their relationship might be the only thing that could help Megatron, and this was proof of how serious they had gotten.  
He handed it over, Megatron taking the black and white photograph. He eyed it, most likely not knowing what it was. He never knew what this kind of stuff was. Megatron wasn't exactly experienced in these kinds of things.  
"He was ours," he said softly, watching those vermillion optics. "I… I had fallen pregnant. It was by accident, but… we were just getting through the news." Megatron had been there for him when he had miscarried. He didn't know it at the time, or tried to ignore it as he had seen his loss as a failure to his lord, but Megatron had been his support. He had helped him out of his crude depression.

The warlord looked at the photo, his optics not sure what he was looking at. He understood that it was clearly an ultrasound, but… he had no idea what the hell a sparkling looked like on them. All he could see was a small light ball in what seemed like a curvy background.  
"We… were going to have a sparkling?" he asked, looking back to the somewhat saddened optics. What had happened? Why didn't they have one? He was completely against abortion. Not for others, just personally his child. He would never abort his own child. He didn't see himself as any kind of good fatherly figure, but he would never kill his sparkling. That sparkling would be his heir.

"Yes…" Shockwave almost choked this time, his helm going gown. "I… I tried to protect him, Megatron. I… I tried my best. But I failed you. I failed at bringing you what you've always wanted. A family… One that loves you and needs you."

Hearing how shaken the accented voice was, Megatron lowered himself to the floor, bending down onto one knee. He'd never seen Shockwave so upset before. Clearly this meant a lot to him. He was sure if he remembered that it would mean a lot to him, too, but… unfortunately, he couldn't remember it at all.  
"I am sorry for the loss," he said, trying to sound sympathetic. He knew he probably didn't sound genuine, but he didn't want Shockwave to be upset. He'd lost a sparkling for fuck's sake, that wasn't something _anyone_ could take lightly. Maybe him forgetting this was a good thing?

"Oh, Megatron… if you only knew… If you only remembered," whispered the former Guardian, his antennae going back. He wished so hard that he could remember all that they had shared together. He wanted it more than anything right now.  
Taking the photo back, he placed it into the berthside table, trying to pick himself up. He stood from the berth, giving a deep breath. "I am quite alright, Megatron. I think I should get some stasis. I have work in the morning."

"Can I stay?" It just came out. It came out so quickly, and he didn't know why. His own optics widened as he had spoken, like he was meant to regret it right after it slipped from his tongue. He stood back up, looking to his commander. "I should not have said that," he said in a confused tone. But there was something about Shockwave that just made him want to be in the same room as him. Was it the spark bond? He didn't know. Or was is that he just genuinely was having feelings for the mech? He had been by his side for the last few solar-cycles, but after loving Char, he had forced himself to never fall in love again. At least not that quickly. Did this make his spark weak? He didn't want to seem weak! He wasn't weak!

"No, I… I would be more than honoured, Megatron. Please, take a side." Inside, Shockwave's spark was thumping quite hard. Could this mean Megatron was contemplating their relationship further? Could it mean he was beginning to remember? Their lost sparkling, if anything, had to have been the most personal thing they had ever shared with one another. If that didn't bring back Megatron's memory, than he didn't know what would.

"I'm naked," noted the silver mech, looking down at himself. He had no shame in that, but he didn't wish to make Shockwave feel uncomfortable.

"Do you plan on sleeping here? Or just spending time with me?" It was no sexual question, it was an honest question. Shockwave didn't want Megatron to feel uncomfortable, nor did he want to make the wounds worse. He didn't know if sharing the berth was a good idea with the severity of the wound he's endured.

Megatron folded his arms gently across his chest. "I thought we could talk," he said. He liked talking with Shockwave. He had things in common with him. They weren't on the same page when it came to everything, but he still enjoyed a light conversation with the mech. A real conversation, one that was intelligent, not stupid like most of his soldiers. That's one of the things he appreciated about Shockwave. It made him know that not every one of his soldiers were morons.

"I would like that," Shockwave said, surprised. He motioned for Megatron to take a side of the berth, and he was more than pleased when the mech took the right side he always slept on. He mentally smiled, antennae perking a little before he sat down on his own side of the berth.

Wincing as he lay down, Megatron gave a small grunt. It hurt to move still, but it was getting better by each day. It was just going to be a slow progress with how deep the wound was. And Cole had given him the piece or rock in a jar to admire. He had to admit, it was an impressive size.  
"Are you alright? You don't need anything?" came that soft, English accent. Megatron almost melted at the sound, but he put his hand up, signifying that it was fine. He just needed to… be next to the mech. And he didn't know why. He just felt a connection. He just felt like he wanted to…  
"Maybe this isn't such a good idea…" he murmured, pushing himself back up. He made sure the towel was still covering him, but he didn't stand, he just sat there.

Everything in Shockwave's system almost deflated, making the mech's shoulders fall. "Was it something I said? Or did?" he asked, just hoping to get a straight answer. A reason why Megatron didn't like being near him. Did he hate him…?

Breathing softly, Megatron tried to shut out the thoughts that were penetrating his mind. He didn't understand half of them. He didn't understand why he was having these imagines surrounding him. Making him want.  
His hands went tight at the sheets, his jaw going tighter. "No… I don't know… I'm just so… fucked up at the moment," he hissed at himself. "I want to remember. I want to believe you. I want to walk away and admit that this is all just some fucking sick joke. That maybe I'm just dead. That maybe this is just some kind of dream. This is everything I've wanted, Shockwave. A life with someone I love, to bond with someone I love. To maybe even make a family. And… I can't even fucking remember it!"  
He looked over his shoulder, watching the other. "I fought so hard to make Cybertron right. I see my errors… but I'm so stubborn, I want to believe that I would never give up the Decepticon Empire. Not for someone like Prime. For someone I hate!"

Shockwave's helm lowered. He knew very well that even though the treaty was signed, that Megatron didn't like Optimus Prime's views. It's why they were enemies in the first place. They never saw eye to eye, which was amazing that the treaty even happened, and why Shockwave had questioned so much of it at the beginning.  
"Megatron… I have seen you in your darkest and highest moments. I know you don't remember, but I do, and I wish more than anything that I could help you regain those memories. I can't, though… and that tears me apart knowing I cannot help you."

Frowning, the silver mech ran a hand down his arm. "I… feel something, Shockwave, I do. I'm just too damn stubborn to admit it. I can't admit that… that I feel in love with a soldier. That I fell in love with a mech. Not after what I've suffered and been through."

Looking up, Shockwave's single golden optic looked to the two vermillion ones. His spark went tight. Was he being serious? Could he truly feel something? As the ebony hand lifted, he felt it lay over his own hand that was on the berth. Suddenly, his spark was dancing. No, he couldn't let his doubt go. If Megatron's next words were that he couldn't be with him, than his dancing spark was just a waste of hope. But he couldn't help it.  
"M-Megatron…" he murmured, antennae moving forward in surprise and hope. Hope that the mech would admit his feeling. Hope that he would admit he loved him. Hope that his memories were back. Anything! Anything for them to be together. Any kind of sign…

Moving closer, Megatron watched the violet mech intently. There was something about the mech that… pulled him in. He wasn't just a stiff droid like he thought he was mere days ago. There was something deep and personal he could feel.  
"Ah, shit," he winced, feeling pain shoot through his side. His hand slipped away from the other mech's, and he saw Shockwave stand up, asking if he was alright. "I'm fine, I just… it's nothing." He placed his hand to his side, though knowing that wasn't the actual source of the pain, just the area that was getting affected because it was wounded and so tender.

"Megatron, please, let me help you get back to your berth. I don't want you straining yourself," Shockwave worried. He offered his hand for the other to take, but Megatron didn't take it.

"Shockwave…" breathed the older mech, looking directly in front of him. He stared at the plating, breathing hard, as if to say no. No, he wouldn't! He wouldn't touch him like that! He didn't like mechs! But why did he want to reach out…? Why did he want so much more with this mech? Why was it overwhelming him so much? Like it had hit him with a hammer.  
His optics dimmed, lips parting, and he took Shockwave's hand, pulling him closer. "I want you so much…" he whispered, his lips pressing against the plating before him, his tongue tasting it. It tasted so fucking good! It tasted like Heaven! Oh, Primus.

Shockwave went stiff, feeling that hot tongue lick against his crotch. His hands went tight, as if to not move. What… what just happened!?

**Author's Comment:**

Well, Megatron's home, and it looks like he's beginning to act upon his feelings. He still doesn't remember, but he knows he does have feelings for Shockwave-even though he's being stubborn and trying to deny them. Looks like he couldn't stop himself in the end there.

Their sparkling is definitely the core between their relationship. I mean, they've shared a lot, but the loss of something that means so much to the two of them? It's definitely one of the most personal things to both of them.

CLIFFHANGER! Have I ever told you guys how much I love doing that?


	6. Chapter 6

Part VI

Shockwave sat on the side of the berth, naked from last night. He felt guilty, like he'd taken advantage of Megatron in such a vulnerable position. He knew the mech was the one who had taken his aft last night, and that he had been okay with it, but… he just felt it was false hope. That when Megatron woke up, he would walk away and say he couldn't be with him any longer. That last night had been a mistake.  
He ran a hand between his antennae, venting a soft sigh. Primus, he just hoped Megatron's memory had come back. Last night had been… amazing, like it should have been the first time they had interfaced, instead of being awkward and having Megatron ill.  
Though Megatron was wounded, and he had to strain a lot of movement from his abdomen, the mech had really pulled it off. But last night was something he didn't want to forget, because it honestly felt genuine, and less awkward than the first time they had interfaced.  
_Both ebony hands trailed down Shockwave's thighs, lips still sucking against the armour to his crotch. Shockwave had frozen, not knowing what to do. He figured it may have just been a dream or something, but no, Megatron wanted him, and he could see it beneath that towel, hard and steady. _  
The next thing Shockwave knew, the both of them were tangled in the berth. Megatron's palms were against his, the mech on top of him. He'd entered him with so much need for them to be connected together. He made him moan, gasp, groan and call out his name by the end.  
Both of them had lain there, sweaty and panting against one another. Megatron hadn't said much, he just stared at the ceiling, and he was too nervous to cuddle up to him like they sometimes did after making love. He didn't want to make things feel so… personal yet.  
Soon after, Megatron had fallen asleep. He gathered it was the medication that had made him tired, and he was left confused and feeling guilty. He hadn't slept very much, but he had tried. He just sat there, thinking and thinking what could happen when Megatron awoke. And now, it was nearing his work hours. He'd have to actually get up soon and leave.  
He didn't want to leave. He wanted to understand what last night was. Was it hope? Was it them getting back together? Was it any sign of Megatron's memory coming back? He'd hate if Megatron never remembered, because they had shared so many experiences together. Painful and wondrous. Both were as important as the other, though. It formed their relationship. It made them stronger. To lose that would be devastating.

Feeling his systems kick into gear, Megatron's optics flickered online. He didn't move, he just looked at the sight before him. "You have a sinfully sexy aft, Shockwave," he murmured, giving a fanged grin.

Shockwave's antennae perked up, making him spin half around in his seated position. "I didn't realise you had woken up," he said gently, though looking at his lover. He smiled mentally. He seemed relaxed. Much more relaxed than he had been the last few solar-cycles. It was nice to see him this way.

"What…?"

"N-nothing, I just… you look very at peace," admitted the violet mech.

Megatron arched an optic ridge as he pushed himself up. He winced from the pain, but he held himself steady with his arms supporting him. Last night seemed like a blur, but one that he could actually remember. They'd had sex. He'd actually interfaced with a mech. A mech that he wanted, though. It hadn't been violent. It hadn't been rape, or just the need to fuck someone. He'd really wanted Shockwave. He needed him. And that's what happened.  
He remembered being above the mech. He remembered being inside him, pressing into him. He hadn't gone all the way in at first, though. He didn't want to hurt the mech. Shockwave had insisted, though. Had told him that he could take it and that he always fully penetrated him. Damn, that mech could take a fucking lot. Most femmes would scream in pain if he ever tried to fully go inside them. They were much more petite than Shockwave, though, and Shockwave's aft seemed very experienced. He was more devilish than he thought when it came to the berth.  
"What are you doing up so early?" he murmured, running a scrunched up fist against his optics, as if to focus them. He saw the clock beside Shockwave. Damn, it was still early. Did Shockwave get up this early all the time, or had he just not been to sleep?

Once more, Shockwave's antennae perked. "I… couldn't sleep very well," he admitted, turning back away. "Do you regret what we did last night, Megatron?" He shook his helm. "I can't help but feel it's not what you truly wanted, that it was just a test and that you are going to say that you can't be with me…"  
He hated the thought. He hated that they had shared so much last night, and that it could all mean nothing to Megatron. It meant everything to him. It was actually kind of sweet when he thought about it. Megatron had admitted that he had had feelings for him. Actually, it was very sweet, and he admired the courage Megatron had had to finally give in and accept those feelings. They had made love last night, not just a round of interfacing. Megatron had been as gentle as he could be—even though that may have been caused by him being injured. But it had been soft and passionate. The mech had taken him like he had wished he could have when they had first bonded. But that didn't mean Megatron saw it the same way as he did. Not now. Today was a different day. Last night could just be the past. A mistake.

Turning his helm, Megatron's lips parted, optics furrowing. He hadn't forgotten what happened. He still had no recollection of their bond, but last night had been something… very strong between them. He was beginning to believe he was bonded to Shockwave, but he certainly couldn't remember it—which did cause a strain between them.  
The sex, though? Primus, it had been some of the best he'd ever had. Shockwave was so needy for him. He didn't feel like he had to be violent with him. He didn't need to force himself onto him like he had with so many femmes in the past. So many of them he had raped. But Shockwave? He'd never even think about doing something like that to him. Maybe it was because he was a mech, he didn't know, but there was certainly no desire to hurt the mech.  
He gently pushed himself onto his side, leaning on his elbow. It hurt his side to do so, so he tried not to apply so much pressure. "I don't regret it, no," he said. "I regret a lot of things I've done. I've slept with… a lot of others, Shockwave. Many of them I regretted, but not last night."  
His optics lowered, finding it hard to accept these feeling, let alone admit them to Shockwave. "I have feelings for you Shockwave, I admit that," he said, almost wanting to bite his tongue. Shockwave wouldn't judge him, though. He already knew the mech before him loved him. He'd been by his side constantly through recovery, even when he told them that he wasn't interested in him. He still stayed there. Loyal as no one he had ever met before. "I enjoyed last night, and I certainly wouldn't hesitate to do it again."

There was still no memory, but knowing that Megatron had feelings for him gave him enough hope to let his spark relax for the first time in days. He turned over his shoulder, leaning his hands against the berth. A blush covered his face, but he looked to the two vermillion optics that were watching him back. And then the alarm next to him buzzed like a complete mood killer.  
He turned back, hitting his hand against the 'stop' button. Stupid thing. But it did mean that he had to work. He didn't want to, for the first time in a long time, but he had to. Especially with the collapse of the mine. He would have to try and get in contact with someone who knew anything about what was going to happen to Megatron and his career as a miner.

"Well, it looks like you've been saved by the bell," Megatron smirked, leaning back up. "How long do you have before you have to leave? Do I just stay here all day?"

Shockwave hesitantly stood up, a silent sigh escaping him. "Just enough time to take a shower and gather my things. This house is as much as yours as it is mine, Megatron. You're allowed to stay here for as long as you wish. I don't advise driving around, though. Cole said to stay away from the car for at least a few more solar-cycles," he said, picking up pieces of his armour. He gasped when he felt something behind him, close, warm. And then there were dark hands on his shoulder, and a stiff cable pressing between his aft cheeks. "M-Megatron…?"

"I really like you being naked," whispered the warrior in a predatory voice. His hands slipped down Shockwave's shoulders and arms before reaching his wrists. "Can I join you in this shower? I want to see you wash away what we did last night. I want to watch you bask in it."

Shockwave felt his cheeks burn in delight and embarrassment. "Oh, Megatron…" he hitched, feeling a smooth hand run down his aft. He didn't have the time for another interfacing round, though! "I-I can't, I… I will be late."

"There's always time for your commander," Megatron grinned, the head of his pierced cable tingling as it hit against the mech's plump cheek. "I want to get to know you more. Last night felt like I was feeding some kind of addiction, only you are that addiction. I want to feel more. I want to taste more."  
He didn't know why, but the urge to stop didn't even come up now. It almost felt natural for him to be against this mech, his mate, naked. Like there was nothing wrong with it at all and yet he had only been questioning it last night.

A cold shiver ran down Shockwave's spinal-strut, making his body shudder. He took Megatron's hands and bowed his helm. "Yes, my Liege," he murmured, leading the other into the bathroom.

*****  
Megatron leant back in the lounge, armoured up now. It was midday, and Shockwave had gone to work. He didn't have a job to go back to apparently, so he was waiting on the news from his mate when he arrived home this evening. Shockwave had offered he go with him to the company, but his side was in quite a lot of pain, and right now, he just wished to relax. Shockwave said he'd call the home phone when he heard any news—considering his own mobile was gone.  
He flicked the television on, running a hand down his face. Midday was horrid, and right now, he felt like some serious high-grade. Of course, he had no recollection of the fact that he'd gotten off the stuff, and with everything that had been going on lately, usually it was times like this he'd be sculling down the liquid.  
He'd searched the place, and unfortunately (so he thought), there was no high-grade in sight. He'd go down to the store and pick some up. He might have to check around the place, though, considering he didn't know where much of anything was.  
Giving a bored sigh, he groaned, though perked up as he heard the phone ring. He walked over and picked it up. "Megatron here…" he said, as if it wasn't his home. Who knew who would be calling, unless it was Shockwave? However, by the voice he knew it wasn't.

_"Oh… Megatron, is Shockwave there?"_ said Karmashock from the other end of the line. _"I just wanted to check in and see if everything was alright."_

Megatron's jaw tightened a little at the voice of the therapist he was apparently seeing. That he still didn't believe. "He's at work," he said rather moodily, like he didn't want to hear from the therapist.

There was a moment of silence between the two. _"Look, I've got some of your schedules here for when we usually meet up, but if wish, I can cancel them and make them another date."_

Fangs bared for a moment as the Decepticon leader seethed. "I don't ever want to see you, mech. I don't care if I've lost my memory, from now on, I don't want to hear from you. I don't even care that you know of my past. Just don't call here ever again, you got that?" He then hung up the phone. Now he really needed that drink.

*****  
"How is he?" asked Timeflip, adjusting her spectacles. Shockwave was inside his office, going through a list of the damages that had been done. No one would be able to work there for a while except the construction crew. The mine was lost, but there had been rumours about rebuilding it considering it was still full of energon and other rich resources.  
"He's doing… much better," he said lightly, remembering this morning and how Megatron had taken him in the shower. He loved that it was sort of like they were falling in love all over again, but this time, it was much better than the last. Of course, he still loved Megatron the first time they had revealed that they had had feelings, but so many things had been strained, and Megatron had been very ill and weak. Now? It was like they still knew each other, and neither of them was afraid to show their secrets to one another.

Timeflip folded her arms, arching a brow. She could see that look in the mech's optic. Something he wasn't telling her, but something that probably wasn't her business, so she moved on. "Here, these came in today," she said, placing a small tray onto the table. "Looks like not everything in the mine was destroyed. A lot of lockers were saved, and the things inside them."

Shockwave pulled the plastic basket closer to him, picking up the phone. It was Megatron's, with a hundred or so missed calls. He blushed at the thought that most of them where his. But it brought back that worry he had had when he had seen the collapse on the television.  
"Megatron will be very pleased that his things weren't damaged in any way," he noted, brushing the mining dust off the screen of the phone. He put it down and grabbed the key-card that was attached to the lanyard. The photo of Megatron was pretty generic, but it was still an attractive photo. Even the mech's driver's license looked good, which he next picked up—also attached to the lanyard, which had house, locker and car keys attached.  
Putting them aside, he then saw the other things that Megatron kept in his locker. It wasn't much. There was a snack bar, full of energon that would keep his strength up, a bottle that was empty, wallet, some random pieces of paper like receipts he probably just threw in there, and then there was the old photo that he had given him.  
Picking it up, Shockwave shook his helm to how young he looked. To be honest, it was hard to tell considering he didn't have a humanoid face and Cybertronian's didn't age very quickly. He was thin, though, not very bulky, and the photograph certainly had age to it, being tinted from the former vibrant colouring. He remembered when the topic had come up, and this was the only real photo he had of himself at a younger age. He'd lost everything when he joined Megatron's ranks, besides the photo of his mother that was hidden inside his wallet.  
Speaking of. Shockwave picked up the wallet in the tray, opening it. There were a few notes inside, and Megatron's bank card. At least the mech wouldn't have to replace anything, then. That was good news. "It seems like everything is here. Thank you very much, Timeflip," he said, putting the tray aside. He'd take it home and give it to Megatron.  
The femme nodded, giving a small curtsey before heading out of the office.  
Shockwave sat back in his seat, releasing a gentle and pleased sigh. He couldn't wait to finish his shift and get back home. He knew it was going to be nice to see Megatron back at a comfortable place in his head. He knew his memory hadn't come back, but he could make new ones. He would have just bonded with the mech again, but Cole had been against it, saying it could cause trauma to Megatron's processor, so he immediately went against that idea. But he could still remind him how much they loved one another.

*****  
As the shift ended, Shockwave made his way home. He had his own briefcase and Megatron's belongings with him. However, when he opened the door to the house, he wasn't expecting it to be dark inside. There were no lights on whatsoever.  
"Megatron…?" he called gently, placing the keys onto the cabinet that was near the door. He walked further in, seeing something that was flickering. There was some kind of light, so he followed it into the kitchen, surprised to see the table set, two glasses on each side and Megatron sitting with his hands beneath his chin.

"I thought I'd do something nice for you. Return the favour for you giving me such a wonderful home to stay in," Megatron said, his hands still beneath his chin. He let his left one out, motioning for Shockwave to sit. "I went for a walk today. Forgive me if this isn't your kind of romance, but… I didn't have much to go off," he explained.

Shockwave was slow, placing the things down onto the floor that were in his hands. He gently took the opposite seat at the table, Megatron standing and pushing it in for him like a true gentlemech. It was so… odd. Not to say Megatron hadn't been romantic before, but this was a step up from his usual romance. Which might just be a bath with candles and then them romping around afterwards. Dinner, though?  
"I'm… surprised," he said, not able to think of anything to say. His antennae went down as he felt his cheeks burn a royal shade of purple. "Forgive me, I just… I'm very surprised." When Megatron chuckled, he looked to the small lit candles. "How did you… afford these?" Megatron had no money. He had his credit card with him.

Megatron cleared his throat a little. "I'm very persuasive," he murmured, having returned to his seat.

"Oh, please don't tell me you stole these," Shockwave said, picking up one of the candle sticks.

"No. I bargained," Megatron's voice went blunt, lifting one of the glasses and examining it. He'd gotten it just out of the cabinet, but it was nice to know that they had spectacular looking kitchenware. "That and I found some credits lying around the house. I hope you don't mind. Though, to be honest, it was from a swear jar over there." He pointed to the counter.

Shockwave couldn't help but laugh then. "Well, it's nice to know that your jar came in handy for such a romantic dinner."

Megatron just grinned, his flawless fangs showing. "That's really my doing?" he asked. "There's change, too." He couldn't help but laugh once more. "Why did I start that?"

"It was a bet," Shockwave mused. "You bet me that by the end of the cyber-week there would only be under twenty-credits in there. Well, you exceeded that in two solar-cycles, thus the amount in there. A shanix per curse."

"Primus, I'm terrible," Megatron murmured, though giving another smirk. He watched the other across from him, and he grabbed the bottle. "Well, I thought I would say a thank you to you, for being there for me when no one else was. I don't know if I have any… friends, but I don't particularly see myself as the most social mech out there. But you believed in me, through war, and even now, when I can't remember some of our most intimate moments."

Watching the liquid go into the glass, Shockwave stopped the mech, standing from his seat. "Megatron… you can't drink…" he said, antennae at attention. He picked up the bottle and read that it had high-grade in it.

"I'm pretty sure I can," Megatron said, an optic ridge raised. The glass was pushed down to the table, though, which made him rather annoyed. "What? It's not like I poisoned it or something. I thought you trusted me, Shockwave."

"No, it's not that, Megatron," Shockwave tried to explain, hoping that the night wasn't going to get ruined over this. He took the bottle and placed it onto his side of the table. "You gave this up when we bonded. After the surgery, you began to drink more and more, and it made you violent and… well, needy in other areas. You stopped drinking. You were a high-grade-a-holic. You cannot break your steps now."

Megatron looked at the bottle, swallowing as he could smell it. But he wanted it. He wanted it so badly! The only reason he didn't drink it during the day was because he didn't want to spoil it before tonight! And now he was being told that he couldn't do _anything!?_  
He stood from his seat, picking up the glass. "So you're telling me if I take a sip of this, that I will be nothing but a raging maniac? One little sip can't hurt, Shockwave," he said, his mouth almost watering at the sight of the translucent royal fluid.

"Megatron, please don't do this." Shockwave urged, watching those two vermillion optics light up at the sight of the high-grade before him. When Megatron moved, Shockwave swatted the glass from his hand, making it smash against the wall.

Megatron hissed, his fangs bared now. "Is this what living with you is like!? I can't do anything or have anything I enjoy!?"

The hard blow made Shockwave hold on tighter to the bottle in his hands. "I am doing this to protect you. You have fought against your addiction for far too long to give into it now!" Megatron moved towards him, and he moved away, taking a step back. Unfortunately, it only made a predatory grin slither across Megatron's lips. "Don't you dare come any closer, or I will shatter this bottle against the table."

Such a commanding tone. Megatron watched his soldier carefully. "So you say I can't have even a sip?" he asked. He moved a step closer, and he saw the other mech tense, his fingers tighten around the neck of the bottle. "I just wanted to do something nice for you, Shockwave. I didn't know. I didn't realise I had stopped."

The sweet-talk wasn't going to make him stop. "Megatron, unless you want to ruin everything and be strapped down into a rehabilitation centre, I advise you just walk away and we call it a night."

The smell from the broken class was potent, and it only made Megatron want the high-grade more. All he had to do was run. He could overpower Shockwave. He knew that. The mech would give in and he could just chug the whole fucking bottle without a care. He could control himself, right? It was just _one_ drink! It wasn't the end of the fucking world!  
"Alright," he murmured, averting his optics. "If you truly say I am an addict, then I know it's best if I stay away. I told you, I didn't know. How was I supposed to? You should have told me," he said, optics hard on the other.

Shockwave felt his antennae go back in guilt. He should have, but he didn't even think about it. Megatron had been so good with taking his steps that he hardly had cravings anymore unless he was incredibly stressed out. And cigarettes usually cured that. Or sex.  
"I should have," he murmured apologetically. "Please, just go to the berthroom while I dispose of this."

Megatron was hesitant. "As you wish…" he whispered, moving past the other mech.

Surprised, Shockwave watched closely as Megatron headed up the stairs. His body relaxed when he went out of sight, and he immediately poured the liquid down the sink. He picked up the broken shards of glass before wiping up the mess on the floor and wall.  
He was disappointed that the night wasn't going to be as romantic as he originally thought, but he'd rather not run the risk of Megatron getting any high-grade in his hands. Plus, Megatron was right; he should have told him.  
When everything was clean, he rested his hand against the counter, looking at the burning candles. He knew Megatron wouldn't be in the mood anymore, so he blew them out. The room went dark, and he sighed. The light from outside the lounge-room of the city below was enough to let him see where the stairs were, and he headed up, the door ajar.  
"Megatron, I know you're frustrated," he started, looking at the lump that was on the berth. He frowned, the mech not answering him. "I'm sorry, I just… I can't let you do this to yourself. You've worked so hard on everything," he pushed, placing a hand to the blanket. It was soft. "Megatron?"  
Swiftly, he felt something around his neck, being roughly forced back. Hands went tight around the others as he felt the other tightening the thick cord around him. "Nn—Megatron!" he hissed, kicking a leg back into the mech.

"You think you can take what is mine and get away with it!?" hissed the Decepticon leader, his hands tightening. "I don't believe it for a second! You liar! You're just like the rest! Liars and cheats! Keeping me from what is mine!" As Shockwave struggled, he tightened the cord that had been attached to the lamp at the side of the berth. "Come on, Shockwave, I gave you the fucking chance! I let you prove to me that we were in love! You lied to me! You used me! You made me feel for you!"

As calm as the mech was in any stressful environment, Shockwave's spark was panicking now. He'd never been truly attacked by Megatron before. Not like this, anyway, and his hands tried to rip at the cord, antennae going back, pressing against Megatron's collar.  
"Megatron… please!" he wheezed. "Please don't do this! I love you more than anything! I would never lie to you! I love you! You are my Lord! My life! My God!" His voice was strained as the cord only grew tighter, and he saw Megatron's optics above him. His back was arched, his hands tight, and he just watched him. He watched the predator he had fallen in love with. And even now, in a life or death situation, Shockwave couldn't form any kind of hate for the mech. Even now, when he could very well kill him, all he could do was love him.

**Author's Comment:**

Well... shit just hit the fan... :/


	7. Chapter 7

Part VII-Finale

Tightening the grip, Megatron's fangs bared as the other struggled against him. "You think you can say that to me and then act the way you did!? Taking away what I want! You think I want to live a life like that!? Being nothing but your bitch!" he hissed, optics fuming. He would _never_ be someone else's bitch.

Shockwave wheezed, choking to get oxygen into his cooling systems. "I would… n-never!" he groaned, his fingers still tight on Megatron's hands. Something was telling him to fight against the mech, but he didn't want to hurt his mate. But he couldn't just die like this, either. When Megatron got his memory back, he'd kill himself at the knowledge of what he had done.  
"M-Megatron, please! Please let me go… I'm sorry that I hurt you. I'm sorry that you think I'm lying, but I would never lie to you. I love you more than anything…! I need you, and y-you need me, too." This time, he was forced over the berth, neck pressed down into it. Oh, fuck, so this was what it felt like to be a victim of Megatron's. Part of him, the sexual masochist in him, actually felt excited, though his spark was thumping into his audios, panic overriding him.

"You know how fucking hot you are when you're being such a pathetic little bitch!?" Megatron seethed, his hands tight on Shockwave's neck. Fuck, he didn't know what it was, but even when it was a mech, or maybe just Shockwave (?), he still felt himself getting a hard-on by the pleas. He figured it was just the violence of the act, though.  
"You know, for a moment there, I really thought that we were together," he said, fangs still bared. "You seemed so honest with your little soldier getup. But now…? I see through you! You just made me weak! You made me nothing but a little love-struck puppy to your commands! And that makes me sick!" he spat, still forcing the mech over the berth.

Shockwave's hands grabbed the sheets that were beneath him, the cord still against his neck like some sick leash. He took in as much cool air as possible while it wasn't as tight, but it soon restricted once more, causing him to groan as his neck was pulled back. "Nnn… M-Megatron… I would never see m-myself… h-higher than you!" he wheezed, hands still tight on the berth. He could feel Megatron's body against him, hot and furious. The predator in him was excited, which somewhat only made his own excitement go up, and he laughed, catching the warrior off guard.

"You think this is funny!?" Megatron roared, pulling the mech up and tossing him into the ground. Shockwave fell to the floor, breathing hard and rubbing his neck. "You think seeing me as something weak will make you live through this!? How _dare_ you laugh at me!?"

"Oh, you talk too much," Shockwave pushed, standing to his pedes weakly. "Honestly, no wonder some of them got away." He was slapped across the face, wincing at the pain. "What are you going to do? Rape me?" he asked, breathing hard. "If you knew anything about me, you'd certainly know that raping me wouldn't do a damn thing to terrify me."

Megatron's hands went tight, and he kicked the mech in the gut, causing him to fall into the wall and slide down it. He crouched, taking the jaw of the other. "You think that would stop me? You think that would make me spare you?" he whispered, his voice dripping venom.  
"I see what you've done here. You've made your own little fantasy world, haven't you? You're just some sick little faggot who wants his play toy," he snapped. That got the mech to shut up. He smirked, roughly tossing his jaw aside. "Pretty pathetic that you can't even put up a fight. I thought you were meant to be a Commander, Shockwave. You disappoint me. I guess the lack of war made you soft."  
He looked the mech up and down as he was still on the floor, his arm resting on his knee as he caught his breath. "Killing you wouldn't give me the thrill it gave me with a femme," he said, taking the cord he had wrapped around Shockwave's throat. "You don't scream enough. You want it, like a worthless little pet. I don't like pets. I don't like those who just want to please me for their own gain. It's no fun when you're so willing," he teased, running his hand up the cord.

The former Guardian just watched the other. It hurt him to hear Megatron say such things. He knew he was a mech, and he knew Megatron never liked them before him, but it hurt, and he knew Megatron was getting his kicks out of saying such spiteful things.

Crouching down once more, Megatron wore a proud looking smirk. "Look at you… you're nothing but a dog. A little pleasing droid."

Shockwave stiffened, his hands tightening. "Do not call me that," he murmured. He could stand anyone else calling him that but Megatron. When the other children in school said it, when Starscream insulted him with it. But Megatron? He'd never said such an insult. He couldn't _stand_ hearing it come from his lips.

"What?" Megatron grinned, taking the mech's chin once more into his hand. "I didn't quite hear you, droid."

Shockwave's spark went tight, a familiar but rare feeling of warmth circling the pit of his belly. He lunged at the other mech, pinning him and placing his arm against his throat. Nothing serious, just restraining him. "I am not a worthless droid!" he hissed, antennae back. "You bastard! I did everything for you! I worked my fucking aft off to help you! I gave away my innocence and my life to serve you!"

Megatron gave a grunt as he was forced to the floor, his helm hitting hard. He breathed heavily, optics flickering for a moment as he registered what had just happened. He looked to the mech above him, panting hard and ready to strike if need be.  
"Shockwave…?" he raised his hand and pinched the bridge of his nose, as if to focus on what was happening around him. He looked down at the situation he was in, Shockwave's thighs pinning him, as well as the arm against his throat.

Immediately, Shockwave's antennae went back as he crawled off his leader. "Megatron… Forgive me, my Liege," he murmured, the silver mech pushed himself up into a sitting position. "I don't know what came over me." He did, but he wouldn't admit that it had hurt him beyond belief.

"What the hell happened? And don't call me that."

Both antennae pricked forward. "Megatron…?" he asked, moving closer to the mech, but still being cautious. Hell, Megatron had almost fucking strangled him to death, he wasn't going to believe everything was okay now.

Looking around the dark room, the older mech searched the area for clues to what the hell had gone on. He saw the cord on the floor, looking at his own hands. "Did I hurt you?" he asked, moving quickly to take Shockwave's body against his. He figured it was just some kind of relapse.

Surprised, the violet mech didn't know what to say or do. He looked up, holding his stomach to where he had been kicked. Megatron's fingers traced gently against his neck, feeling the bruised line across it to where he had tightened the electrical cord from the lamp.  
"Megatron… I'm alright," he insisted, looking up to his mate who seemed confused still, like he had no recollection of what had just happened. "Do you know where you are? What date it is? What happened in the mines?"

Letting Shockwave go, Megatron ran a hand down his face, trying to think. "I remember being in hospital. You were there, with Karmashock and Cole. I went to stasis and… that's all I remember," he said, looking back to his lover. "What the hell happened here?"

Looking around, Shockwave didn't want to tell the truth. He didn't want to see the look in Megatron's optics when he told him that he had tried to kill him. That he had said such hurtful things to him. He could easily lie and say it was rough sex gone wrong, but… he knew Megatron wouldn't believe that. And what if his memory came back one day? He'd known he had lied to him.  
His helm bowed gently, his form relaxing. And he told Megatron what had happened in the last few solar-cycles. From him suffering amnesia in the hospital, to him falling back in love with him. And then to tonight, and how bad things had turned.

Megatron just stared, unable to believe it. How could he just lose his memory like that? He knew the mines had collapsed, but he couldn't even remember being hit. He just remembered being on the floor with a chunk of rock in his side. He must have been knocked out and then came to? He didn't know.  
He swallowed hard, averting his optics. How could he have ever hurt Shockwave like that? Saying such nasty things? Choking him? His hands tightened in fury and self-loathing, and he gripped his sore side.

"Megatron… please don't blame yourself," Shockwave cooed gently, placing his hand to his lover's arm. It was shaken off, though.

"The last thing I want from you is sympathy, Shockwave. You should hate me for what I have said and done to you. Treating you like a common whore. How dare I do such a thing when all you've done for me?" he hissed.

The former Guardian inwardly frowned, his antennae laying back. He didn't care what Megatron had said and done. Not anymore. Not that Megatron was back now! That's all that mattered. What happened in between, the violence and the insults, it didn't matter to him. The most important thing was that Megatron could remember.  
He moved closer, the both of them still being on the floor, and he leant in, on all fours as Megatron had his knees up, arms on them. Gently stretching forward, he placed a hand to Megatron's cheek, making him look back to him. "You know I do not care for such things," he stated in his soft, English accent, his systems giving a purr. "I care that you can remember what we shared. How far we have come as fighters and as lovers. Those memories have defined who we are today. The ones we have both shared. I wouldn't care if you insulted me day after day. I would still love you. I would still strive to serve you."

Megatron's hands went tight once more. "Stop talking like you are some house droid," he snapped, though still looking to the golden optic before him. "You are not here to serve me. You once did, but that was the past. I was arrogant and ignorant. I will not have you saying such things about yourself." Not when he saw Shockwave so pure.

The lilac hand fell back to the floor, keeping himself up. "Has much truly changed?" he asked in a light tone. Megatron just stared at him.

Arching an optic ridge, the former warlord rolled his optics at the attempt of a joke, shaking his helm. "Hmm, it doesn't change what I have done to you, and what potential damage I have done to us."

Us? Shockwave shook his own helm this time. Things may have been rough, but it wasn't the first time he had seen Megatron in a violent rage. He'd watched soldiers being lectured, tortured and downright killed before him. He'd been one of Megatron's most trusted soldiers, and thus he had a spot beside the throne. As well as Starscream and Soundwave (not that Starscream was there for his loyalty). He saw many things. Many of them horrid to anyone else. They weren't horrid to him. They were just the way Megatron released himself, punished others and gave examples. He was a leader. He had duties to keep his army at its best. He was successful in doing so, and therefore it was no failure. It was duty and success to his reign.  
"You have done no damage to us," he said, optic watching the mech. "You are back, Megatron, and that is all I care for. I know you can't see it the way I do, but I wish you could. Insults are just words. They mean nothing to me."

"Words can mean the word, Shockwave," Megatron stated. "When I say that I love you, does that mean nothing to you? When I say hurtful things, like calling you a simple droid, does that not hurt you?"

The violet shoulders lowered as he sat on his knees. He pushed himself up to his pedes, though, knowing Megatron couldn't understand his complex categorising processor. "At one point in time, I cared not for such things. Only when it came to you, Megatron, was when I felt something from words. Only your lips could make my spark flutter. Everyone else was just background noise. It was something I could shut out of my processor. To work. To think. It was illogical to care what they said, unless it was to betray you."  
He looked down, the vermillion optics on him. "I say things that may not make sense to others, but only to me. I can get past insults, Megatron. They mean nothing to me. The only mech that I care to listen to is you, and will forever be you. I know you don't wish to hear it in such ways, but my purpose _is_ to serve you. I will do anything for that. I live for that purpose. Not just because it's in my programming, but because it's in my spark, too."

Megatron frowned, though he didn't say another word about it. He just thought in silence. Shockwave allowed him to do so, and for once, the silence to him was comforting.

*****  
Although it was late, Shockwave had called up Cole to come and check on Megatron. Considering the medic was off his shift, he didn't have a problem with the house-call, otherwise he'd have asked to bring him into the hospital itself.  
Flashing the light into the mech's optics, Cole nodded. "You seem perfectly alert. No concussion from the fall this time, but it must have set you straight with your previous one." He put the instrument back in his small carry case. "I'd advise you still go to the hospital to get some scans done, but everything seems alright from this end of the spectrum."

Megatron relaxed a little. "I will tomorrow. Tonight, I just wish to rest."

The Dauphin nodded. "Do you wish for me to take a look at your abdomen?"

"No, it's fine. I don't think any trauma has been caused."

Cole nodded gently, looking to Shockwave. He could see signs of a physical struggle had happened between them. Shockwave had bruising around his neck, a clear ligature mark from something, but he didn't question. He gathered whatever had happened had been the cause of Megatron's fall and hit to the head. It had at least gotten his memory back.  
"Alright, well, I best be off. I will see you tomorrow if you decide to come by. I advise you do. It would be better for you to get fully scanned for further issues." He was stern about it, and eventually the former leader nodded, Shockwave leading him out of the door.  
"Do you need anything?" he asked, the mech almost seeming surprised. He motioned to his neck where the strangulation marks were. "I have some gel in here if you need it."

"No, it's quite alright," Shockwave insisted. "It's nothing I cannot handle, but thank you for the concern."

Cole nodded. "Okay, just make sure he comes in tomorrow. I want to make sure he's one-hundred per-cent."

The violet helm nodded. "I shall. Thank you for coming out here tonight on such short notice."

"It's my job," the medic nodded, giving a polite smile. "I'll see you tomorrow." He then turned from the door and headed back home.

Closing the door, Shockwave walked back into the lounge-room, Megatron rubbing his side. "Are you positive you don't want to go to the hospital tonight?" he asked. Of course, he was worried for his mate. He could see that Megatron seemed fine on the outside, but that didn't mean a thing. Sometimes things weren't always what they seemed, and Megatron had a way of hiding his injuries. Probably due to his pride.

The older mech shook his helm, standing up. "I'm positive," he stated. He approached the shorter mech, lifting his hand to take the mech's cheek. He ran it down the side of his neck, tracing the ligature mark. "I am very sorry to have harmed you," he whispered, feeling Shockwave's hand take his own.

"I can handle it, Megatron," pushed the younger mech. "I have had worse wounds in battle." He acted like it was nothing to him, and it truly wasn't. He'd allow Megatron to do anything to him. Sometimes even death. Naturally, he couldn't place himself in a deadly situation unless it was to protect his higher power. He had to fight. It was in his programming to stay alive and not give up on Megatron. He was to serve his lord and master. Even if he was dying.

That didn't stop Megatron from feeling bad about what he had done. To harm Shockwave the way he had? Even in his darker ego, he didn't think it was possible, but he had proven himself wrong. He'd questioned many times if he could ever truly harm Shockwave, and tonight had showed him that he could. He didn't wish to, but if he lost control? Shockwave might not be safe with him.  
He leant in, embracing the smaller mech. "Promise me that if I ever hurt you again that you will fight back. That you will not die from my hands." He couldn't stand the thought of killing another that he loved and held so close to him.

Both antennae perked as he was surrounded by the thick arms of his lover. "You wouldn't-,"

"I almost did," the other interrupted, leaning his chin against Shockwave's helm. "Promise me. Promise that if I ever lose myself again, that you will not allow me to take your life. I could not live with myself to lose you. I would never wish to harm you, but tonight has proven to me that I could if something went wrong." He'd never choose a drink of high-grade over Shockwave. Never. His paranoia must have gotten the better of him tonight, and that alone was enough to worry.

Leaning into the chest, Shockwave nodded. "I promise," he whispered, feeling the gentle spark-beat against his frame. He leant further into it, into Megatron himself. He could never bring himself to harming his lover. He could disarm him and restrain him, but he could never kill Megatron. In the end, that could very well be the death of him. But he was willing to find out. He was willing to spend the rest of his life with his lover, no matter how violent he could get. He may not be able to end his life like many other emotional 'bots, but he would certainly give up his life to protect his master. And that was what he would do. Serve, protect and love Megatron. No matter what.

**Author's Comment:**

Ack, I felt the end wasn't really that great, but oh well. I couldn't drag it on any longer, and I honestly didn't want to. Looks like the hit to Megatron's helm to the floor was what really set his memory back into place. He'll need some more tests, but he should be fine. As for harming Shockwave. Well... looks like it could happen in the end, but I doubt in the right mind set, Megatron would ever harm him. Relapse, maybe? But I doubt he'd ever be able to KILL him. Smack around a little bit, yeah, but not kill. Not after everything he's done for him. 3

All characters are G1/IDW based.


End file.
